Stay and Die

 

 

I woke up angry today

if you knew how I really felt

who I really am

(crazy sometimes)

would you still

want to play with me?

 

(would you delete me?)

 

I woke up afraid

hating my dream

analyzing the meaning

of panic

chasing

running

 

loose change and broken ATM’s

never catching up

peeing in strange bathrooms

on the floor

a man with a child in his arms

 

in my dreams (my reality?)

I am in a hurry

and yet

I pause to apply lipstick

 

 

in the mirror a woman

looks back, fear, pain, panic

 

 

girls ask me a question

in my purse is the answer

is it the rotting fruit you want?

 

I compose words

a speech I must give

tender words

sincere words

lonely words

 

maybe I don’t want to talk

 

it’s a maze

(my life I think)

I will be late

(because it’s not my time to join you or maybe it is)

 

I can see

a reflection of myself

this yellow skirt

too short

too sexy

for my mother’s

funeral