Have you ever been in a position where someone was crying out for help with romantic issues and you didn’t know how to save her? I was talking to a friend recently and I felt her sense of hopelessness. I did some research on the internet.
I came across this super cynical quote, needless to say, it’s anonymous!
“I have a better piece of advice: Don’t ever fall in love in the first place. Just don’t do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it’s never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It’s as simple as that.”
My friend is a writer, which makes it double-challenging because you already know she lives in her head. And she’s an incurable romantic–10X the romance part. Imagine where her mind takes her! But here’s the crux of her challenge. When she’s feeling okay, she deals really well with the stress of career vs. following her dreams and her heart. But when she becomes ill, and her life goes into slow motion, watch out. She spirals quickly.
You see, she won’t admit it even to herself, but she’s fallen in love with an impossible situation. There’s no point in going into the details. If you think of all the things that make a sensible relationship work–or not work–the ‘not work part’ that’s her relationship. Status, family, distance, goals, dreams, the list is endless. There is no way to console her. And let me tell you, I’ve tried. I’m the eternal optimist. It doesn’t matter what happens in life, I will find a positive spin. But I can’t seem to help my dear friend out of this one. Nope. She’s inconsolable.
I tried laughter. I told her to go get her hair done, shop, have a massage–that always works, right? But her only response to me was this:
“When I met him, I had a good talk with myself. I saw the impossibility even as I found myself falling hard. I know I’m in love with a man who’s all wrong for me. But in my heart, he’s the guy I’ve waited for my whole life. He’s not my first love, but I feel he will be my last. When I feel normal, I can deal with the sadness. But when I’m sick, it all comes to the surface and all I want to do is cry and hide from the world.”
I’m at a loss with suggestions for dealing with self-pity. Could she be depressed and has been hiding it even from herself?
I found a few suggestions on how to deal with a broken heart. I’m not sure they will work but maybe I can try sharing them with her.
- Take heart, you will get through this, (I tried that. She ignored me.)
- Talk to someone who cares. (that’s not working.)
- Let yourself feel the pain. (She is definitely doing that.)
- Learn something from this experience. (If I say that to her right now, she’s likely to hit me!)
- Don’t fall in love again!! (Well, at least that one made her laugh out loud!)
And, finally, I added the one that really made her smile “This shit will make for a really great book!”
and the beat goes on…
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