I wake up each morning wondering what major tragedy has transpired in the last twelve hours. I spend far too much time riveted to the news-all bad, of course. And then I wonder why I feel like I’m free-falling and have no idea where I will land.

What would I do without my art?

How would I survive without the creativity of my writing and photography? Are you feeling this too? When I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy in 2008 and eventually told I had 6 months to live, two things came to mind. First, it’s “Idiopathic” which means the doctors have no idea why my heart is enlarged. And second, of course my “heart” would be the part of my anatomy which would give out and give up first. Why? I’ve spent a lifetime living in and through my heart. It’s been broken and completely destroyed more times than I can remember. But each time I’ve been emotionally destroyed, I would get back up, pull myself together, and find love again.

I find during these days of the pandemic it’s like watching a fire destroy a 20-story building. For some reason you can’t seem to turn away.

We are all feeling vulnerable and even a simple cold has us worrying if we too are the next victim of this horrific pandemic. But the old adage comes to mind: garbage in, garbage out. Whatever thoughts we decide to let into our minds are the ones that will define our days and nights.

What the world needs now are more lightworkers. And that’s our job as creators in the midst of the fear, pain, sadness and madness that permeates our world. We have to find the good. And we need to spread that goodness.

I know I’m more emotional than ever.

That can be good and bad. I’m a writer, so coming from an emotional place is always what defines my work in any case. But I’m also an empath–I feel the collective sadness and pain of the entire planet.

So each day I decided I need an emotional plan.

I will look for good news. This morning first I checked the COVID stats–I mean, really, why do I do that? Then I go to CNN to find out what the leader of the most powerful nation in the world has done in the last 18 hours. I don’t know why I do that either. I’m not even an American. I know whatever it is, it will be bad. But today CNN online had a very powerful good-news piece and it inspired me to share this story with you.

When my son Zack was around eighteen months old he walked on his toes.

People kept telling me, “Don’t worry. Lots of kids start out as toe-walkers.” Then one day I said to my husband “No. There’s something wrong my my boy. He walks on his toes because he can’t put his heels down!”

My son Zachary

So off we went to an orthopedic surgeon who said, yes, indeed my poor little man could not walk with his tight heel cords and would need surgery. I asked if there was something else he could do. All I could imagine was a boy in a wheelchair for the rest of his life from a botched surgery. He said we could try castes. But they would have to be on for several months.

My son couldn’t talk yet but one day halfway between the time he was required to wear the castes, he began to complain.

I knew there was something wrong.

I took him to the specialist and he said, no, we need to keep the castes (which went right up his thighs) for another month. I looked at the specialist and said NO. My son never complains. There is something wrong. The doctor knew he wasn’t going to win this argument so he shook his head and took out a mechanical saw. Ten minutes later two ankles were exposed with deep indents, cuts that were infected and bleeding. In the end, with medication and antibiotics, Zack healed and never had a problem again. Today Zack has a thriving life in Paris as a creator: an English copywriter who most recently completed a long-term freelance contract for one of the largest French cosmetic companies in the world.

So when I came across this wonderful piece on the net about an Indian chef in NYC who had also defeated the odds, I was taken back to those years with Zack. This India man had warped feet and had to walk with wooden blocks on them for years.

Baby Vikas Khanna, The Indian Michelin Chef who is feeding India

I think you will enjoy reading about this amazing young man who went on to become a Michelin chef and opened his own restaurant in NYC. When the pandemic hit, his business initiatives fell through. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, he found a way to help his home country that is second in the world for COVID-19 cases. Here’s the link to his story.

I have to warn you. If you are going through the same emotions as I am, you might cry too.

But it will be tears of joy for the good heart of a young Indian boy who never forgot where he came from, Vikas Khanna.


And as always stay healthy, stay sane. Keep on sharing the love.

This too shall pass.

4 thoughts on “I feel completely “off.” how about you?

  1. It is a difficult time, especially for empaths. Like you I wake up and see what certain people have done while I was sleeping. It is like watching a building burn and not being able to look away…although it is a blessing to have our creative sides to hold us up. So glad you listened to your intuition about your son too. Sending hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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