I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE

I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE. I write about it, I’m either in-or-out of it, and I live my life and make choices around it.

I’m still a work-in-progress. At this stage of life, you’d think I’d have it all figured out, but that’s never going to be the case. I’ve chosen to love in unconventional ways and without the restrictions of conditions.

I’ve recently made a decision to change the course of my life. After living in Mexico for many years, I’ve liquidated my life and hopped on a jet plane. I’m currently in Paris and in two days, I’ll be in Frankfurt, then New Delhi, and will continue going to the Middle East, Asia, Malaysia and Indonesia.

Here’s what runs through my mind:

all my bags are packed and i’m ready to go

i’m standin here outside your door, i hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin it’s early morn

the taxi’s waitin, he’s blowin his horn

already i’m so lonesome i could die

so kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you’ll wait for me, hold me like you’ll never let me go

cause i’m leavin on a jet plane, don’t know if i’ll be back again

“Leaving On A Jet Plane” Lyrics

Yes, with self-knowledge comes self-acceptance. The choices I’ve made give me tremendous highs, and not-so-lovely lows. But this is who I am. And my life has been significantly improved because I learned to love unconditionally.

 

To learn more about Lynda Filler read LOVE The Beat Goes On A Memoir

Is it really that simple?

What is your best advice for staying youthful and healthy as long as you can?

It’s really simple to me. So enjoy the wisdom I shared on Quora tonight. Here’s my list.

  1. Be happy. There is nothing that ages us more than bitterness, and recriminations.
  2. Don’t live in the past. Embrace the present. Refuse to worry about the future because the future never comes.
  3. Laugh a lot, smile often. If you’re a woman, it hides the wrinkles. Life will try to take you down, throw curve balls that will bring you to your knees. Stand tall, be strong, never look back.
  4. LOVE, love yourself, love your life, love the planet, love your family, love your partner(s). Don’t be stingy with your love.
  5. Have no regrets. Never apologize about your life choices and decisions. You can’t change them, even if they were wrong in hindsight… let that stuff go.
  6. Don’t worry about the one that got away. If you’re too busy worrying about a bad relationship or marriage, you’re too bitter to notice the one ahead of you that might be that elusive soul-mate.
  7. Always lead with your heart. Yes, you will screw up, whether it’s in friendships, or with a child, or a mate. Forgive yourself often. You’re only human.
Lynda Filler Author 2019

Does Happily Ever After Exist?

It’s been a while since I worked on a novel. I have four storylines that are competing for my attention, and I can’t seem to focus in on one over the other. So I get my dose of daily writing when I hang out on Quora for a bit. I thought you might enjoy my answer to a rather shallow question. It might be TMI, but then, those of you who know me understand that I’m an open book, a work in progress, and a constantly evolving woman.

This month I’m packing up my life. I’ve sold everything and will begin a journey to places I’ve never been. I have a set departure and a few locations in France, India, Turkey, and Israel that are booked. But once I arrive in Bangkok, I will be free-falling… I have no set date of return to Mexico, although my friends who’ve become a family, believe I will return. I’m not sure.

This is going to be an interesting time. I will blog, post photos here and on IG, FB, Twitter. And I’ll do live videos on FB and my YouTube channel. I promise it will be fun, and a bit crazy. I see the world in strange and wondrous ways.

Back to Quora and the question I couldn’t resist answering: Am I shallow to want to date a woman with a fuller figure?

We all have our preferences. Some of us take a lifetime to truly understand what we like. I’m attracted to eyes. They mirror not only the soul but kindness and mischief. When a man looks at me with ‘those eyes’ I’m in trouble! And a very good kind of trouble it is!

So first it’s eyes, then it’s soul, then it’s brains—I love smart men. They’re usually cocky and annoying and can make you feel inadequate in a way that’s rather adorable. They are adult men with this immense sense of wonder about the subjects that fascinate them. And even though the subjects may be way out of reach for me, I’m wildly attracted to the light, that almost childish sense of wonder as they work through their discoveries, day after day.

And then there is sexy. That comes in all shapes and sizes but I definitely have a type in that area too. I won’t reveal myself because then I’d be at a disadvantage. I get a reaction, an immediate jolt when I find someone attractive. It’s generally mutual. If it’s not, I ignore the feelings and move on.

Am I shallow? Yes. In some ways that I won’t go into here. I have definite physical things that work for me and I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t fit into my likes. Maybe I will one day…

I’m still looking for ‘the one’ who makes my heart sing, speaks to my soul, who will love me and show me that happily ever after truly exists.

Make something every day.


Seth Godin sent me to my blog! So here I am!

“My work is to figure out how to share emotions and stories with people to turn lights on for them. And the part of it that scares me is wasting the privilege, wasting the leverage, wasting the opportunity. So that’s why I keep pioneering and pushing new ways to do it encouraging people to copy me.”

“After you innovate, you have to keep pushing forward, coming up with new ways to move things forward.”

Writer’s block is a myth. Being a professional is showing up everyday and making something despite how you feel. The world needs more artists, who love what they do, and do it despite uncertain outcomes.”

Whoever fails the most, wins. Now if you fail too big, you don’t get to play anymore. So we have to learn how to fail, just the right amount to keep on going. Make small calculated risks so you can be in the game long enough to succeed.”

“If I come to your barbershop for a haircut. I don’t care if you had a fight with your girlfriend and don’t feel like cutting my hair. I came to you for a haircut. Cut. My. Hair. That’s what it means to be a professional.”

I think I’ve given you a few key notes to think about. Sometimes I’m asked questions on Quora about writing. Often times it centers around story ideas or writers’ block, or ‘what should I write?’ The reality is if it’s your job to write, don’t talk about it, write something! And don’t waste your readers time. If my reader expects to learn something or be entertained on my page, then it’s my job to deliver that to you/him/her each and every time. No excuses. The same when I write a novel or a non-fiction book. You are trusting me to deliver what you are paying for…entertainment or ideas and knowledge. 

It’s become a habit that even when I am working on the marketing and sales of my books, I will not go to bed without writing something. It might be a blog like this or a few fun things on FaceBook, but if time is limited, I go on Quora and answer questions. A writer writes. No excuses. 

I hope you’ve enjoyed a few ideas I picked up on You Tube today. I love to share with my readers and will answer anything and everything you throw my way. If you have any questions about any of my areas of expertise, feel free to send me an email or drop a note in the comments. And remember, I spend far too much time on Facebook so feel free to connect with me there and get my latest news. 

And speaking of news: I have a free prequel for you. 

Drop by Amazon and download a free copy of Luke Raven and Code Raven, how this exciting and fun series began. 

https://amzn.to/2QuCgnf

CODE RAVEN PREQUEL free!   

https://amzn.to/2QuCgnf

What can older women say to younger women to help them mature faster?

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Thanks Pixabay!

I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.

LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.

If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.

If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!

I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.

 

as answered by Lynda Filler on Quora

And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?”  Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.

 

 

Why am I so scared to say “I love you” to my boyfriend?

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For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.

However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?

I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.

And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.

Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’

I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.

I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.

And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.

So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.

Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.

 

Shared from my answer in Quora 

Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes

Can you show us a window to your love?

Two roads diverged in a wood,and I-I took the one less traveled byAnd thathas made all the differenceRobert Frost

 

Oh my. This question gave me shivers.                                                 (on Quora)

There’s a guru on YouTube named Evan Carmichael. He wrote a book called “One Word.” He states that everyone should define their brand or their belief system with one word. His is Belief. Mine is LOVE.

If you open my Amazon book profile, my first three books have LOVE in their title. I use the word constantly. I’m not afraid to tell people I love them. I don’t hold back, ever. I lead from love. It’s my most important value.

The window… yes, that beautiful window. I’ve lived my life following my heart, following love.

As Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

I chose the path of love. And no matter how many twists and turns my life took, how many wins, losses, and disappointments, I wouldn’t change any of it for any reason. I always moved forward from a place of love.

 

 

Your date is going so well that you agree to go back to his/her place.

What’s one thing he/she could do to completely ruin the mood?

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*You know I love to share my Quora answers!

If I’d agreed to go to your place, you’ve more than likely already done enough right things to get me there. What could you do further that would be stupid? Let me make a list.

  1. you could ramble on endlessly about your ex—I’d be bored
  2. you could ask me too many personal questions about past lovers—that seems to be in annoying abundance lately
  3. you could ask me about STD’s insinuating that I sleep around
  4. you could open up a bottle of wine and insist on drinking the whole thing
  5. you could become a rather sloppy drunk and I would walk out immediately
  6. you could take too long to make a pass at me, and I would be totally bored
  7. you could fall asleep in the middle of a passionate moment and I would leave
  8. you could be a ‘biff-bam-thank-you-mam’ kind of guy in which case I would be a ‘no-second-chance’ kind of girl

I hope you enjoy this  ‘tongue-in-cheek’ silly, yet serious response from me today!

 

more by Lynda Filler

LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes

 

How do you justify loving someone, when he or she is not interested in you?

A Quora question that I answered today that totally spoke to my heart:

 

I would call that “unconditional love.” I learned unconditional love when I was in a relationship with someone who chose to do Missionary work rather than to be with me. I told myself that he was just not interested enough in me! I was so sad, messed up, disappointed. I cursed him, hated him, for two weeks. (The incidents surrounding our relationship filled a poetry book!)  And then I had a really good talk with myself.

If you love someone unconditionally, you must accept that they may have values, dreams, goals that take precedence over you.

Once I accepted that I loved him “unconditionally’ we continued a relationship by mail, email, letters, and became incredibly close. It was an honor for me to have experienced his heart. I will cherish his communications with me always.

He died 4 months later in South Sudan. After he passed, he’d left someone to stay in touch with me for a year. I called him my bodyguard–and that’s definitely a future book. It seemed my dear friend had left me his journals. Unfortunately for me, my bodyguard refused to turn them over. He said they were too dangerous for those who were still alive. I knew my friend had never married nor had children. But he had saved money and had substantial investments. I discovered he used his money to support 15 orphanages around the world–mostly Africa, the Middle East, and Mexico.

So to answer your question, he gave me far more of his heart than I could ever have experienced if he had given up his life’s’ work to be with me. One day I will write his story.

I (Spy) Love 

Did Donald Trump scare the Mexicans because border crossing is down 70 percent since he’s in office?

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Asked and answered in Quora by Lynda Filler Top Quora Writer 2018

I also live in Mexico and I’m Canadian. As my co-writers have stated there is zero desire amongst the Mexicans we know to go to the USA. Yes, the economy in Mexico is growing and jobs are not an issue.

If there is a decrease in crossings, it’s the perception that everyone who speaks Spanish and is trying to enter the US is Mexican and that is not the case. Those seeking asylum, the separations at the border, those are from Central America and other repressed countries. They pass through Mexico with the final destination to be the US. I no longer see as much of that on the highways so that may account for the drop.

A young man I know was recently refused a visa to visit the US because the officer said his “ties to Mexico are not strong enough!” LOL, his parents are wealthy and own many businesses here in Mexico of which he is the sole inheritor. He lives well for a 21-year-old. And at the time of his refusal, his part-Hispanic gf was about to give birth. She, on the other hand, was born in the US, grew up for years here and there, but only wants to live and bring up her family around a solid loving Mexican family. She was abandoned by her Caucasian drug addicted California mother and has found a loving relationship and welcomes the strong family values of her Mexican in-laws.

Americans just don’t get it. I shouldn’t generalize because many do understand what I’m talking about.

No one is scared of Trump. Mexicans, and other cultures around the world, (I travel), have zero respect for him and think it’s a sign of the downfall of the US that they voted for Trump. The favorite expression in Mexico for the US is now “third-world-USA.