What advantage does your biggest flaw give you?

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My biggest flaw is how quickly and easily my heart is engaged in a relationship.

It is both my biggest flaw and my greatest gift. I love that I lead with my heart in all things. I probably hated that about myself when I was a teenager. It created incredible amounts of angst in my life. Do you remember your first love? I remember mine. I was eleven! And not unlike the choices I make today, it was totally inappropriate. I fell in love with my first cousin! I think I have loved him my entire life! Of course, I was too young to act on anything, but I assure you it was love.

Over the years, I’ve had so many deep and meaningful Loves. Some were consummated and reciprocated, others not. But I would not change one delicious and glorious moment of falling in love or being in love, for anything. Yes, if the relationship is inappropriate—I like those type of relationships, they usually involve younger men—I know from the beginning that I have a choice. I can indulge my fantasies, engage my heart and get high on the feeling. Or I can walk away and never allow myself the pleasure of that emotional high. If you read my work here on Quora or have purchased my novels or read my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On you know this is my philosophy on life.

So the advantage my biggest flaw gives me is that I don’t have to analyze my emotions. I know who I am and what I need and want. I go for it. And my life has been enriched by the relationships I’ve nurtured, the men I’ve loved, and the life I’ve led because I’ve always led with my heart.

 

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Why am I so scared to say “I love you” to my boyfriend?

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For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.

However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?

I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.

And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.

Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’

I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.

I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.

And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.

So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.

Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.

 

Shared from my answer in Quora 

Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes

How do you do that thing you do so well?

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It’s a common question asked by those who want to write a novel. I hear this all the time on Quora. Where do you begin? How? Where do you get your ideas? Do you plot? Do you ‘wing-it?’ How do you do that thing you do–so well?

Let’s talk about my latest release, SILK ROAD Code Raven 6. It’s a great example of my personal writing process and may help you to get started on yours!

It starts with a word. I asked a friend, fellow author, to give me a country. In this case, it was Kyrgyzstan–a country that had no meaning to me. If you’re familiar with the Code Raven Series, you would know that not only do I love my characters and develop them further with each story, but I also love to take them to different countries around the globe to get into–and out of–trouble!

In my research about Kyrgyzstan, I came across the history of how this country was once a part of the Soviet Union. I already had a rough idea of the Russia/Asia part of the world but didn’t know much about the terrain. If you are anything like me, once you go on the world-wide-web, one search turns into another, and another, and before you know it, you’re off on a tangent for no particular reason. In my case, my interest was piqued by the crime lords who moved in to fill the void of a legitimate government. Corruption of all types runs rampant in this predominately Muslim country.

At this point, I became intrigued by the historical implications of this centuries-old area and the original Silk Road–the trading route moving through Asia from the East to the West.

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Without giving away the plot, let’s just say that I became intrigued by the human condition and in particular how turmoil and greed affect women and children around the globe.

HERE’S MY PROCESS:

  1. Out comes the excel spreadsheet. 
  2. Usually, I reprint the Characters names across the top of the sheet so I don’t mix up attributes, history, or activities, timelines, etc. This is important when writing a series. You would work the same way as you introduce new characters in your novel even if it’s a stand-alone book. I also used this process on my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On
  3. Chapters numbers down the left side column.
  4. Next column a key phrase to summarize what will happen in that chapter.
  5. The next column will give more detail, possibly a paragraph of key events.
  6. In the planning stages, I might color code the chapters. If it’s fiction and action, I might color code an action event RED, something that moves the plot along in YELLOW, and a relatively soft aspect, emotional, resting chapter might be soft green. This way you can make sure you don’t lose your reader by dropping the pace. Inevitably all my reviewers say this series is ‘fast-paced.’ You want that when writing a mystery. Otherwise, your fans will get bored and put your book down! We want them to read it in “one sitting!”
  7. The chapters continue down the page until the end.

Why a spreadsheet?

I use this concept if I’m writing Action/Adventure/Mystery or Contemporary Romance or Non-fiction like my memoir. Why?

  1. It’s easy to cut-and-paste therefore changing the sequence of events, or slotting in a new chapter!
  2. You can see the entire story in one place. 
  3. The spreadsheet allows you to edit the events along the way inserting, expanding where you find your plot to be weak.

My process is always fluid. I never set a rigid plot.

Sometimes I start with one idea and watch the following events move down the page. The thoughts, ideas I have may never make it to the final story. But here’s the key: one idea leads to another, and another, and another. And my story starts to take shape from that original one word. Example:

Silk Road. Trade. Smuggling. The new Rail service from the coast of China all the way to London, England! Think about the potential here. Imagine all the events that could happen along the way! And that’s how the story moved along. And then I found activities in the Maldives that I decided to connect. And one of my main characters, Zach was summoned to Washington DC by the frightening pleas from a SEAL friend he served with in his Afghanistan/Bin Laden days.

Here’s a couple of teasers so you get a feel for the final story:

A former Navy SEAL gets a terrifying message from his estranged daughter. “I’m desperate! I need your help, Dad. Bring your friends!”

“They stole my baby Daddy! They’ve got my boy!” Will a team of ex-SEALs break US law to exact revenge?

A teenager is abducted in Kyrgyzstan. Has she become one of many kidnapped brides? Or is something far more frightening going on? The corrupt authorities ignore the parents’ pleas for help.

A new Silk Road train stretches from the eastern shores of Yiwu China to London, England. Its precious cargo is not what’s written on the manifest.

When two young children are abducted in the middle of the night from Raven’s sanctuary in the Maldives, Luci, Luke, and the Raven Group will stop at nothing to get them back.

Are all these horrific events linked?

If I’ve peaked your interest and you want a great read, written in the style of Lee Childs, David Baldacci, or Clive Cussler, get your copy on Amazon: Silk Road

 

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I should be dead!

 

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Will I die from a broken heart?

I know I’ve caught your attention with my double entendre. But that’s why I wrote it.

What would you do if your doctor gave you six months to live? I’ve heard many answers to this question. Some say, get a second opinion. Well, the second and third and fourth opinions were more depressing than the first!

In 2007 I was experiencing symptoms of heart failure but being the know-it-all that I am, I was self-diagnosing instead of immediately visiting a doctor. I walked around basically having mini-heart attacks without realizing what was happening to me. Women, in general, are neglectful of their health. We tend to be the nurturers and rarely allow ourselves to be nurtured.

For several months I experienced shortness of breath and I decided–after much research on the internet–that I was allergic to sinus medications. Well, in a way I was correct. The “D” in the meds was setting off my already dilated heart. But I had no idea how lucky/unlucky I was. The fact that I lived through that year having mini-heart attacks (layman’s language for your benefit) is its own miracle. And yet, here I am to tell the story.

All this was happening throughout the summer of 2007. In mid-October, I decided to accept an offer to work in Whistler for the winter. After living in Puerto Vallarta full time for several years, I was ready for a change. I packed my red Jeep Liberty and drove by myself from Mexico to Canada. It was amazing. It was exciting, dramatic, stunning and liberating. I did photography and wrote poetry, and stopped at cafes and lived along the sea for two weeks. It was the trip of a lifetime.

Upon the arrival in Whistler, a mountainous region in British Columbia, I was experiencing shortness of breath again. I had a new excuse: I blamed it on the change of altitude!

But all that changed in January of 2008.

I’ve written my memoir of this time, the things I did, and the reasons I believed I had this disease. But, I will tell you one thing. In 2008 the London Cardiomyopathy website online had over 5 million followers. The medical professionals stated emphatically that there was no cure for Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy. After six months of treatments, my doctors concurred. The specialist told me to get my affairs in order. 

I waited until 2017 to write my story. I was been ‘cured’ completely since 2012. “What if you die,” one friend said. But I wanted to share my story. After all, we will all die eventually. If I’d given into depression and not done the things that made the difference, I wouldn’t be here to write this story. Think of all the experiences I would have missed, the people I have loved, the birth of my grandson, the books I’ve written and the love I’ve received in my life.

No matter what is going on, this memoir will change your life and remind you to never give up and always believe in miracles.

LOVE The Beat Goes On is on sale on Amazon for downloads at $.99 cents. If this is not affordable for you, I understand. Please contact me on FB Msn and I will gladly send you a copy for free.

Thanks for your love and ongoing support of my passion to write stories for you.

 

You can literally control your mind.

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It’s amazing the conversations and exchange of ideas and philosophies we can have with strangers from around the world if we only open to the connections. I LOVE this video. It’s so simple and explained so beautifully.

Thanks, Rohith, for bringing this video to my attention.

Have a week filled with wonder, joy, and happiness. My gift for you to begin your week.

 

How to deal with a broken heart…

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Have you ever been in a position where someone was crying out for help with romantic issues and you didn’t know how to save her? I was talking to a friend recently and I felt her sense of hopelessness. I did some research on the internet.

I came across this super cynical quote, needless to say, it’s anonymous!

“I have a better piece of advice: Don’t ever fall in love in the first place. Just don’t do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it’s never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It’s as simple as that.”

My friend is a writer, which makes it double-challenging because you already know she lives in her head. And she’s an incurable romantic–10X the romance part. Imagine where her mind takes her! But here’s the crux of her challenge. When she’s feeling okay, she deals really well with the stress of career vs. following her dreams and her heart. But when she becomes ill, and her life goes into slow motion, watch out. She spirals quickly.

You see, she won’t admit it even to herself, but she’s fallen in love with an impossible situation. There’s no point in going into the details. If you think of all the things that make a sensible relationship work–or not work–the ‘not work part’ that’s her relationship. Status, family, distance, goals, dreams, the list is endless. There is no way to console her. And let me tell you, I’ve tried. I’m the eternal optimist. It doesn’t matter what happens in life, I will find a positive spin. But I can’t seem to help my dear friend out of this one. Nope. She’s inconsolable.

I tried laughter. I told her to go get her hair done, shop, have a massage–that always works, right? But her only response to me was this:

“When I met him, I had a good talk with myself. I saw the impossibility even as I found myself falling hard. I know I’m in love with a man who’s all wrong for me. But in my heart, he’s the guy I’ve waited for my whole life. He’s not my first love, but I feel he will be my last. When I feel normal, I can deal with the sadness. But when I’m sick, it all comes to the surface and all I want to do is cry and hide from the world.”

I’m at a loss with suggestions for dealing with self-pity. Could she be depressed and has been hiding it even from herself?

I found a few suggestions on how to deal with a broken heart. I’m not sure they will work but maybe I can try sharing them with her.

  1. Take heart, you will get through this, (I tried that. She ignored me.)
  2. Talk to someone who cares. (that’s not working.)
  3. Let yourself feel the pain. (She is definitely doing that.)
  4. Learn something from this experience. (If I say that to her right now, she’s likely to hit me!)
  5. Don’t fall in love again!! (Well, at least that one made her laugh out loud!)

And, finally, I added the one that really made her smile “This shit will make for a really great book!”

and the beat goes on…

 



Check out Lynda’s  latest release on inexplicable #LOVE

 Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money

 

 

 

“Really important meetings are planned by the souls…”

“Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.” Paulo Coehlo, Eleven Minutes

 

It’s not that I disagree with Coehlo, but, must I follow every ‘chance meeting’ that was never meant to be the one? The angst, the passion, the sadness that goes with “really important meetings,” is it really worth it?

Why do I dream? Why do I allow my heart to rule all things in my life? Will I, can I ever change?

There are two things that my heart requires in order to survive, breath and love. Unfortunately, I almost died from the one and I just can’t seem to get the second one right.

Unfortunately, Coehlo understands me too well, I’m a dreamer, a believer, a lover, a fatalist, and an incurable romantic.

I’ve been in denial for so many years. I scoffed at love, took chances, made ridiculous choices. Made decisions that sane people, curable romantics, would never make. I left my mind back there somewhere in 4th grade, and hitched my heart to my soul and let my love take the lead in all things in my life.

Am I a fool for love? Oh yeah.

But for once in my life, if there is such a thing as God, could you please let me love someone who will love me back?

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Has anyone ever been in love with a man/woman 27 years younger than​ themselves? How did it work out?

I came across this intriguing question and answer. With permission from the person who wrote the response, I’d like to share her answer with you.

What do you think?


It rocked my world completely.

It threw my life into great chaos. I was in a ‘challenging’ marriage that I didn’t want to leave because of the children. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t work it out.

And then, out of nowhere, a young man came into my life and saved my life. We met over books–the reading of them. We talked from 1 in the morning until I boarded an airplane at 3 in the afternoon. I cried for the entire journey. It was not love at first sight—it was a conversation, a meeting of two very lost people. And then I realized that it was love. I never thought I could fall in love with someone so much younger. But I did. And he did. And yes, we had our challenges for sure. But they had nothing to do with age.

This is what I took away from that relationship that lasted several years.

1. Age is just a number.

2. Souls meet when they are supposed to, for a reason.

3. Don’t make excuses to friends or family because the world will never accept or understand you and your lover.

4. Most everyone will believe it’s some kind of financial arrangement. Ignore the chatter, it will only hurt you.

5. Souls have no age, do not exist in time. They just understand that when they meet, they’ve found a connection that both of you have been waiting for your whole life.

6. He saved my life and rescued me from drowning.

7. Accept that eventually, you will need to move on—more than likely.

At a point, I had to ask him to go. It wasn’t about our relationship, but about a healing journey, he needed to take.

If I ever needed anything, he’s the first person I would reach out to for help. And he would be there for me in a heartbeat.

© Reprinted with permission

 

For Lynda Filler’s latest release please visit Amazon  Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money

Lie to Me front red

The Vow

The Vow

© Lynda Filler, Real Love 2018

 

you read my sad, accept my lows

you take me high, make me slow

my mind

and time, our time stands still

 

can you imagine how high we can go

or will it die all that we know we are

before we begin 

 

it happens once 

sometimes never, for some

and when it does

let it be

let it flow

take the beauty, take the love, the passion

let it fortify

a journey, sometimes sad

fraught with turmoil

 

take the love

it’s meant for you

it’s all I have

it’s all I am

all I want to be

one, when I’m with you

 

place your head upon my lap

let me love you

let me take away your worries, allow me in

there is no wrong, no shame, no blame

love is all there is

 

across time and space

we’ve got the gift the world is waiting for

embrace the moments, take the high

let it fill your heart

 

and in your dark hours 

when you are alone

fighting for a world

that disappoints and hurts your heart

remember me

wherever I am, remember my love

the gift you gave me

the time we allowed our love to thrive, alive

beyond age and time

beyond reason and sanity

we basked in its joy and purity

and we loved each other

until time

until infinity

 

and if you need to leave me

I will let you go

 

© The Vow, Real Love 2018

Nowhere to hide…

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$.99 cents on Amazon

When we write a memoir, there’s nowhere to hide.

 

Life imitates art: LOVE The Beat Goes On  for a limited time only, $.99 cents on Amazon 

“Powerful and unforgettable” JackMagnus, 5 Star Readers’ Favorite

“This is a book every human alive should read and take away the lessons given.”It’s that good.” J. Sikes

“I found this book so inspiring, and I think it can benefit a lot of other readers too. It’s an approachable, quick read with humor and lots of heart. You can probably read it in a day or two, but I hope you’ll remember its message forever.”  J. M. Keelor

“Lynda’s book is inspiring and a reminder that miracles do you happen, you just have to believe in them! A quote I really enjoyed from Lynda’s book was “Release. Breathe. Let it all go. Get rid of the weight, pain and hurts holding you back.” So true! Never stop believing. Thank you, Lynda, for sharing your story.” Ctina

 

Thank all of you for being a part of my journey!

Lynda Filler

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