What can older women say to younger women to help them mature faster?

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Thanks Pixabay!

I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.

LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.

If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.

If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!

I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.

 

as answered by Lynda Filler on Quora

And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?”  Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.

 

 

What advantage does your biggest flaw give you?

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My biggest flaw is how quickly and easily my heart is engaged in a relationship.

It is both my biggest flaw and my greatest gift. I love that I lead with my heart in all things. I probably hated that about myself when I was a teenager. It created incredible amounts of angst in my life. Do you remember your first love? I remember mine. I was eleven! And not unlike the choices I make today, it was totally inappropriate. I fell in love with my first cousin! I think I have loved him my entire life! Of course, I was too young to act on anything, but I assure you it was love.

Over the years, I’ve had so many deep and meaningful Loves. Some were consummated and reciprocated, others not. But I would not change one delicious and glorious moment of falling in love or being in love, for anything. Yes, if the relationship is inappropriate—I like those type of relationships, they usually involve younger men—I know from the beginning that I have a choice. I can indulge my fantasies, engage my heart and get high on the feeling. Or I can walk away and never allow myself the pleasure of that emotional high. If you read my work here on Quora or have purchased my novels or read my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On you know this is my philosophy on life.

So the advantage my biggest flaw gives me is that I don’t have to analyze my emotions. I know who I am and what I need and want. I go for it. And my life has been enriched by the relationships I’ve nurtured, the men I’ve loved, and the life I’ve led because I’ve always led with my heart.

 

follow Lynda Filler on Quora

Can you show us a window to your love?

Two roads diverged in a wood,and I-I took the one less traveled byAnd thathas made all the differenceRobert Frost

 

Oh my. This question gave me shivers.                                                 (on Quora)

There’s a guru on YouTube named Evan Carmichael. He wrote a book called “One Word.” He states that everyone should define their brand or their belief system with one word. His is Belief. Mine is LOVE.

If you open my Amazon book profile, my first three books have LOVE in their title. I use the word constantly. I’m not afraid to tell people I love them. I don’t hold back, ever. I lead from love. It’s my most important value.

The window… yes, that beautiful window. I’ve lived my life following my heart, following love.

As Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

I chose the path of love. And no matter how many twists and turns my life took, how many wins, losses, and disappointments, I wouldn’t change any of it for any reason. I always moved forward from a place of love.

 

 

ALMOST EVERYTHING by Anne Lamott

I want to share this with you. I received an invite to listen to a Podcast, an interview with Anne Lamott. If you’re unfamiliar with her work, she’s predominantly and non-fiction author of the most memorable Bird By Bird, a must read if you have ever thought of writing a book or doing anything creative at all. 

By Stacey Camp on Goodreads

5 Stars:

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”

“Haters want us to hate them because hate is incapacitating. When we hate, we can’t operate from our real selves, which is our strength.”

Oh Anne Lamott, how do you manage to rip my heart into pieces and then mend it ever so carefully back together? This is what Lamott calls a paradox or conundrum, that life brings both immense joy and heart-wrenching pain, pain that, at times, is unbearable. Take her discussion of having children:

“We are consumed by the most intense love for one another and the joy of living, along with the grief and terror that we and our babies will know unbelievable hurt: broken bones, bad boyfriends, old age…Every day we’re in the grip of the impossible conundrum: the truth that it’s over in a blink, and we may be near the end, and that we have to live as if it’s going to be okay, no matter what.”

Lamott’s Almost Everything: Notes on Hope is meandering and rambling in the most poignant way, a method of writing only Lamott can get away with. It is structured around themes that she wants to share with her grandchild, stories she wants to pass on that she deems critical for one’s survival in a brutal world.

As with Lamott’s other books, I highlighted nearly everything. So many beautiful passages, so much wisdom that has come from the pain that Lamott has known well. This is not a pain she monopolizes. Rather, this book is about how pain is part of the human condition. And because it can happen to any one of us, Lamott believes that we must find peace and happiness every single day. That joy cannot come from a number on a scale or your paystub, though:

“Could you say this about yourself right now, that you have immense and intrinsic value, at your current weight and income level, while waiting to hear if you got the job or didn’t, or sold your book or didn’t? This idea that I had all the value I’d ever needed was concealed from me my whole life. I want a refund.”

“The opposite of love is the bathroom scale.”

Lamott argues that happiness is not found in materiality but something that is omnipresent, waiting to be found in the most mundane places. There is also beauty in grief and beauty in tragedy, though she certainly does not argue that there is a rhyme or reason as to who gets saddled with grief in this universe. Grief is not a lesson to learn, forced upon those who have sinned.

“We do get a taste of the spheres in birdsong, eclipses, the surf, tangerines. In the dark, we see the stars. In the aftermath of a devastating fire, the sun rose red. To pay close attention to and mostly accept your life, inside and out and around your body, is to be halfway home.”

How do we cultivate this love of the quotidian? Through play, observing the world around you, through helping others, and, of course, through reading:

“Books! To fling myself into a book, to be carried away to another world while being at my most grounded, on my butt or in my bed or favorite chair, is literally how I have survived to be here at all. Someone else is doing the living for me, and all I have to do is let their stories, humor, knowledge, and images – some of which I’ll never forget – flow through me, even as I forget to turn off the car when I arrive at my destination.”

As always, Lamott also has some brilliant things to say about writing:

“Write because you have to, because the process brings great satisfaction. Write because you have a story to tell, not because you think publishing will make you the person you always wanted to be. There is approximately zero chance of that happening.”

“We have to cultivate the habits of curiosity and paying attention, which are essential to living rich lives and writing. You raise your eyes out of the pit, which is so miserable and stifling to be in and which tried to grab you and keep you there, until something sneaky hauled you out and changed you.”

Lamott won’t give you easy answers about life in this book, but she will give you a lot to chew on. She challenges you to be reflexive, to examine what’s holding you back in life and what you need to move forward – that these things are not a one size fits all sort of solution. We need to dig deep and find that with which we struggle: confront it and learn to live with it the best we can.

Above all else, she asks her reader to sit with the world: watch it, learn from it, listen to it, breathe it in. For “God is often in solitude and quiet, through the still, small voice – in the breeze, not the thunder.”

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I loved this book. I love nearly everything Lamott writes ( Bird by Bird is one of my all-time favorite books!). Thank you to Edelweiss, Anne Lamott, and Riverhead Books/Penguin Random House for an advanced reader copy of Almost Everything.


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And let me add this NUMBER 1 Best Selling book by Anne Lamott. This is every author all time favorite handbook. It’s been described by many as a book with advice on writing and on life in general!

 

BIRD BY BIRD

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What aspect of your life are you the most unwilling to compromise today?

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I would love to know your answer to this question. What aspect of your life are you most unwilling to compromise today?

Many of you know I’m a Quora writer. Every once in a while I stop in to answer questions. I thought you might enjoy my answer to the above question. It’s a glimpse into what I put into my writing I think.

 

“Let me count the ways…”

  1. I refuse to compromise on friendships. If I don’t love you with all my heart, we can’t be friends. My time is precious, life is short… and friends who are in our lives should be like chosenfamily members vs the ones we inherit by birth. So my friendships are few but they are absolutely the best.
  2. I refuse to compromise on my peace of mind. There is nothing in your life that will be more important than peace. If your mind is troubled, or your life is all f++k’d up, you only have yourself to blame. I choose peace over drama every single day.
  3. I will not compromise on my health, so 90% of the time I eat well, exercise, and watch what and whom I allow in my head and heart. All those things keep me healthy and young and excited about every single day of my life.
  4. I will never compromise on love. If I love you, you’re in my heart forever. Yes, we can be sexual, then with time, if that changes, we will still be friends. If I loved you once, I will always love you. It’s not about falling in love it’s about unconditional love. If we’re friends or lovers, I’ve chosen to have you in my life. No one’s perfect including me. We all make mistakes and do stupid things. But in the end, if I love you, you will always have a place in my heart.

I should be dead!

 

4Love The Beat Goes On

Will I die from a broken heart?

I know I’ve caught your attention with my double entendre. But that’s why I wrote it.

What would you do if your doctor gave you six months to live? I’ve heard many answers to this question. Some say, get a second opinion. Well, the second and third and fourth opinions were more depressing than the first!

In 2007 I was experiencing symptoms of heart failure but being the know-it-all that I am, I was self-diagnosing instead of immediately visiting a doctor. I walked around basically having mini-heart attacks without realizing what was happening to me. Women, in general, are neglectful of their health. We tend to be the nurturers and rarely allow ourselves to be nurtured.

For several months I experienced shortness of breath and I decided–after much research on the internet–that I was allergic to sinus medications. Well, in a way I was correct. The “D” in the meds was setting off my already dilated heart. But I had no idea how lucky/unlucky I was. The fact that I lived through that year having mini-heart attacks (layman’s language for your benefit) is its own miracle. And yet, here I am to tell the story.

All this was happening throughout the summer of 2007. In mid-October, I decided to accept an offer to work in Whistler for the winter. After living in Puerto Vallarta full time for several years, I was ready for a change. I packed my red Jeep Liberty and drove by myself from Mexico to Canada. It was amazing. It was exciting, dramatic, stunning and liberating. I did photography and wrote poetry, and stopped at cafes and lived along the sea for two weeks. It was the trip of a lifetime.

Upon the arrival in Whistler, a mountainous region in British Columbia, I was experiencing shortness of breath again. I had a new excuse: I blamed it on the change of altitude!

But all that changed in January of 2008.

I’ve written my memoir of this time, the things I did, and the reasons I believed I had this disease. But, I will tell you one thing. In 2008 the London Cardiomyopathy website online had over 5 million followers. The medical professionals stated emphatically that there was no cure for Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy. After six months of treatments, my doctors concurred. The specialist told me to get my affairs in order. 

I waited until 2017 to write my story. I was been ‘cured’ completely since 2012. “What if you die,” one friend said. But I wanted to share my story. After all, we will all die eventually. If I’d given into depression and not done the things that made the difference, I wouldn’t be here to write this story. Think of all the experiences I would have missed, the people I have loved, the birth of my grandson, the books I’ve written and the love I’ve received in my life.

No matter what is going on, this memoir will change your life and remind you to never give up and always believe in miracles.

LOVE The Beat Goes On is on sale on Amazon for downloads at $.99 cents. If this is not affordable for you, I understand. Please contact me on FB Msn and I will gladly send you a copy for free.

Thanks for your love and ongoing support of my passion to write stories for you.

 

Do it now…Paulo Coelho

 

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March–my month of introspection…

I’ve always tried to live my life as if each day, each moment would be the last one. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

After the publication of my memoir on healing LOVE The Beat Goes On, I received a particularly hurtful attack on my person. The title of the review was elegant: A Woman of Privilege and Passion. It was not about the writing or even the message, it was an attack on me as a woman for following my dreams, picking up my life in one country and moving to another–to save my life. It was the hurtful and spiteful way she attacked my life as being one of Privilege. And any of you who grew up as Military brats know that moving every three years, breaking attachments or worse, finding it impossible to make attachments, is far from a privileged life. But what it does do is allow you to move on when your current life becomes life-threatening.

I’ve been reading Coelho ever since I released my latest novel Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money and a reviewer suggested my book defied Paulo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes. I don’t remember reading his works before but then anyone who knows me will tell you I have a terrible memory! I’m now up to my fourth Coelho book The Zahir, and in his books, I’ve found answers to many things. But most importantly, I’m learning how to be unapologetic about my life choices.

Does guilt ring a bell for any of you? I grew up with Catholic guilt as an extremely important part of my decision-making process. I’m learning, finally, to get over myself. I’ve worked hard my entire life and done incredible things. I’ve always said I’m “blessed” but although that may be true–it’s how I choose to see my life–I’ve made choices, often very painful choices. Not everyone around me was happy with those choices, I’m sure. But I forged on because I followed the path of the life I was destined to live. And for that decision, some suffered, including me. But in the end, I saved my life–my life as I know it today.

I highlight when I read. It’s one of the things I love about my iPad/Kindle App. I can go back over the notes and nod my head in recognition of passages that fill my soul with sighs. The above message is not new, but is one we should all think about, especially at a time like right now!

This past week I made one such choice. Am I nervous about it? Yes, very. Can it change the direction of my life? Possibly. Is it the right thing to do? Well, if it was put in front of me, I tend to follow my intuition. Can it hurt me? Potentially. But the fear of lost opportunity or regret is stronger than the fear of making a mistake.

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” Paulo Coelho. 

I miss you…

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March is a month of nostalgia for me.

It’s the birth month of my Mom. She said when her birthday came around she was foreshadowed by mine, two weeks earlier. Don’t you think it’s strange the things we remember?

I recently applied to Ontario, Canada for an original birth certificate. I never had one. I couldn’t remember the exact date of birth of neither of my parents. Weird, right? But I remembered the year and the story I’d told over the years of my ancestry on my mother’s side.

Four Curtin brothers came across from Ireland on a ship and married four Callaghan sisters! Two settled in Western Canada and two in the East–Ontario. What are the chances of that? It’s not a story you’d easily forget.

My mother was a beautiful woman who lived in a time when women stayed home and men went to war. And when some of the men came back, they brought the war zone with them. Unfortunately, I remember too much of that.

She was the one I counted on. She would listen to me and always told me I could do and be anything I wanted in life. She died in 2005. I’ve never returned to the town of my birth in Ontario since then.

I hope she’d be proud of the choices I’ve made. I know she understood when I took my heart from the frozen snow in Canada to the sun-filled days of Puerto Vallarta Mexico.

And I was blessed to feel her leaning over my shoulder as I wrote my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On, she held my hand, every step of the way.

So today I honor her memory and share it with you.

I never told you enough how much I loved you. I miss you, Mom.

 

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Run Off

 

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© Lynda Filler Photography 2017

 

 

Run Off

 

 

the skies open up

screamed in anger

poured down hurt

 

Mother Natures broken home

hurling, swirling, raging

promising revenge

 

silver swords striking

palm trees split

no longer swaying

 

rivers running mad

overflowing emotion

depression. insanity. incomprehension. exhaustion.

 

tears abate

 

flooded roads

all lead back to you

 

© I (Spy) Love, Lynda Filler

 

 

Death Sentence

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Six months death sentence.

In 2008 I was told my heart condition was not responding to medication and to get my affairs in order. I’ve never been known to back down from a challenge so I fought back. And I’m still here baby!!

This is what other’s are saying about my story published on Amazon.

“uplifting and insightful. Powerful and unforgettable” JackMagnus, 5 Star Readers’ Favorite

“You (your book) have been so encouraging after a cardiomyopathy diagnosis. The doctor had NOTHING encouraging to say. I left his office in shock.” anonymous to respect privacy.

“Her story is honest, straightforward, and powerful, and many readers will be able to connect well with her experiences and how her spirit came to believe that sometimes the impossible can be made possible with the way we think.”
Reviewed by Mamta Madhavan

Her emphasis on the need to always listen to your body and not ignore any warning signs made this a compelling read.”

“I know any number of people who have been given a death sentence and suffer years of treatment. When Lynda Filler was given this same prognosis, she decided to defy the odds and embrace life. Her choice to believe the impossible and live the imaginable is truly inspirational. I loved her energy, her zest for life – both of which are evident on every page of this book.” G. Plano
 
This is a book every human alive should read and take away the lessons given. If I could give it ten stars, I would. It’s that good.” J. Sikes

 

My story is a crazy miraculous journey. I hope you enjoy it and get a copy for family and friends. #LOVE