The good news is, I’m pretty much who I say I am.

The Real Me ~ Ecrits Blogophilia Wk 18.12DORIS EMMETT·SUNDAY, JULY 14,

2019 reprinted (with permission) because it’s so awesome!!

Something happens to my brain when I hear the line “tell me about the real you”. That (not so little at times) voice inside me whispers …”yes yes go ahead and tell them”–but then the louder voice (OMG so many voices inside my head) shouts “NO! Don’t you dare!” So the question remains…which voice do I listen to?When I was younger, the idea that someone really wanted to take the time to hear about the “real me” always felt rather flattering. But seriously–it’s such a loaded statement and coming up with a good answer? Well–more than a bit of a challenge. For example–what happens if the “real you” is the body suit you have been wearing all along? Is this person who is asking–implying that I am an impostor in my own skin? Some sort of pretender trying to fool him (and others) with my fake facade? OR–has the assumption been made that–like most of us–I keep many parts of my real personality hidden from public view?What does “real” actually mean? I googled it (of course) and here the results:

  1. actually existing as a thing or occurring in fact; not imagined or supposed.
  2. (of a substance or thing) not imitation or artificial; genuine.

As children we are “real” in that we have not yet discovered how to be anything else. We are genuine and spontaneous in our behaviors and reactions to stimuli outside ourselves. We laugh loud when we are amused or happy and we cry (even louder) when we are hurt or in pain. Although the reasons may be a bit cloudy–there is not doubt of what we are feeling…no need to guess at our emotional responses. No child when asked “does it hurt” will say “no” –if indeed it hurts. A joyful child (to me) is akin to the 8th wonder of the world–in that it is a wonder to behold. Where would You-Tube be without all those home videos of children clapping their hands and laughing uproariously (over seemingly) nothing? How infectious that joy can be–we keep replaying those videos over and over again and laughing along…it makes us FEEL so good–because it’s…you guessed it…REAL!

We grow older and we learn to disguise our (sometimes favorable or unfavorable) reactions behind poker faces that cannot be accurately read by those trying to figure us out. Why? Why do we do that? What’s the benefit? Well–somewhere between child and growing up we discovered that letting others know how we REALLY feel–isn’t always a good thing. We figured out that keeping a leash and collar on our emotions and responses–can help us to feel less vulnerable to others. In fact–telling people we feel the opposite of how we actually do–is sometimes a valuable tool called “reverse psychology”–and can get us things we want much faster–than if we told the truth.The danger of bottling up the “real”– inside a body suit of “fake”– is that a time may come when we (ourselves) may no longer know how we actually feel in a given situation. We can lose track of who we really are– when we don’t let our real feelings manifest. We can start to feel misunderstood by those around us (indeed by the world at large) and crawl inside a little black hole that seems to keep getting bigger–each time we swallow a truth and replace it with words that mask and hide what we truly are thinking and feeling.

The “real me” had been held captive for a while now in a suit of armor that is very restricting. True I have little “breathing holes” I call them–where real feelings slipped out occasionally– but for the most part–I kept myself bottled up. The funny part is that lots of people never noticed. I am by nature a caring person and I believe myself to be a kind person as well. But after too much heartbreak– I had learned to zip my mouth and allow my brain the time sift through countless options before I spoke. The “real me” sometimes suffered by my own censorship of what was dying to burst out of me–but kept being told (by a brain that had been put in charge)–”NO! Don’t say it that way–someone might misunderstand and you’ll find yourself in yet another pickle. You’ll just have to extricate your foot from your mouth again and do–way too much damage control and explaining–much better to just “tell them what they want to hear”.

And so I did. I used to tell people what they wanted to hear and they were happy (for that moment)–until they found out (much later on) that I had not expressed my true feelings at all. I had not lied to them–but had certainly been guilty of the “crime” (?) of omission. I omitted telling them what I felt would surely be unpleasant and upsetting to them. But that was then and this is now.

As I write this I am smiling…simply because I have found my own definition of “real”. “Real” feels good…it feels right…it doesn’t make you queasy or uneasy. “Real” is what you feel without “fine-tuning” it to something more “acceptable” or “appropriate”. “Real” is honest and speaks truth. Sometimes “real” isn’t popular in a discussion –especially if others are practicing and engaging in (all too common) “fake” repertoire. Other times “real” can also make or break a relationship–but I’ve learned that any relationship broken by truth and honesty–is not one I want to be in. “Real” is also trust. Trusting what your heart and mind are telling you is right and true.

In this world of ours –where false advertising prides itself on fooling the better part of a population and where people appear almost eager to be duped in ways that are truly unimaginable– I believe knowing when (and who) to trust is nothing less than a God given gift and blessing.I have learned to “trust” me. It took so many years of trusting everyone else–thinking they all knew stuff about me that I could not myself comprehend–before I finally looked in the mirror and smiled at what I saw. I didn’t cringe at the white hair (although that little voice whispered gently–you can put a blonde rinse in it anytime). I didn’t try to stretch the skin around my eyes (or mouth) to make the wrinkles less noticeable–I now accepted them as the laugh lines they truly are (they are–right??). I’ve learned to laugh a myself (and not at my own expense). I see my long nose–patrician nose they call it? Yeah it’s still large–my face never really grew big enough to make my nose look small–but it’s mine and I own it. Hey–a large nose was good enough for Barbra Streisand never to want to tamper with–so why should I regret my own? My eyes stare back at me–the color (sometimes) of a clear blue sky –and other times resembling a stormy ocean–are they placed too close together? Who cares? I can see myself and others clearly with them now–so my vision seems to be improving (not deteriorating).

“So people now you know my story”…don’t judge me harshly as I humbly suggest that life can be filled with so much artificial bullshit! Sometimes the only “real” you will find is when you close your eyes and see with your heart. If thinking is required–sometimes it is better to shut off the louder voices in your brain and listen to the softer sounds of your soul instead. You may only hear a whisper at time–but if it feels real–listen to it and follow what it is telling you. My best decisions have been a direct result of what I saw in my heart and felt in my soul –rather than what my overworked and over-thinking brain sometimes pumped out trying to convince me to accept as “real”.

Tomorrow I will be at Jones Beach on Long Island. It’s one of my favorite places to get in touch with the “real me”! There’s just something about the sound of the waves and the seagulls–the wide open sky and the endless expanse of the ocean that allows me to breathe easier. This setting helps me believe in a reality that is bigger than just me. A reality in which I am but a tiny grain of sand on an enormous beach–or a tiny drop of water in an infinite sea. But just like the sand and water–I too was created by skillful hands and I am very–very “real”. What you see is what you get…my motto to live by. Ask and I will tell you –so be prepared.

I’ve learned to face the unpopularity of truth in certain circles–but it will never keep me from speaking it. I AM that friend who will tell you the there’s a piece of spinach stuck in your teeth–that your zipper is at half mast (guys) or that you are being an “asshole” (if you are) and though you may hate me now–you might actually thank me later (lol). Reality…what a concept! I pray for everyone to just learn to accept themselves as the perfectly imperfect– but totally “real” people they can be. I think we need to stand up (and stand together) against forces trying to convince us that we are not “good enough” just as we are. Indeed, voices that preach of a need to embellish our God given assets to such a degree– that we no longer recognize ourselves when we look in the mirror. Maybe it’s time to accept that “real” face we see staring back at us (without judgement) and to love it–just the way it is?



I reprinted because I LOVE THIS! Doris is a member of Lyndas Raven Army and a FB friend, a fan of my work, and a trusted member of my creative circle for so many years. Follow the link above to enjoy more of her musings.

I’m Alive!

 

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It’s that time of year, again! Happy Mother’s Day! I was diagnosed with Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy in early 2008! After many months at 28% EF, there was no improvement although the shortness of breath and what felt like heart attack seemed under control with meds.

The doctors told me at best I’d need a transplant but basically the last words were “get your affairs in order.” This photo was taken a few days ago in Istanbul Turkey. This year I sold everything and decided to travel and visit all the places I write about in my books! I’m now in my fourth month!! I’ve written my personal story it’s available on Amazon LOVE the Beat Goes On, and has inspired many! But I’m writing this to let you know not to give up hope!!!

I went to work with a shaman in Arizona in 2008. I never had a transplant nor any operations. The last thing I did before I started this trip was to visit my cardiologist in Puerto Vallarta where I lived. He said “you will always have some left bundle blockage but your heart is functioning at 86% normal! And it’s been that way for several years! Live and enjoy your life!”

This is what I wish for all of you!

 

These Are The Heroes Who Chased Off The Poway Synagogue Gunman

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The words of the Rabbi are riveting and stunningly beautiful in the message he delivers to the world. Please watch the video link for the message it delivers to all of us no matter what faith we practice.

An Army veteran, an off-duty Border Patrol officer and an Israeli war veteran are credited with coming to the rescue during the deadly California shooting.

An Army veteran, an off-duty Border Patrol officer and an Israeli war veteran are credited with coming to the rescue in Saturday’s deadly shooting inside a California synagogue that left one woman dead and three others injured.

 

The three men were attending services inside the Chabad of Poway when authorities say 19-year-old John Earnest, armed with a rifle, entered the lobby and opened fire, fatally shooting 60-year-old Lori Gilbert-Kaye in front of her husband and daughter.

 

“I turned around and I’m face-to-face with this murderer ― terrorist ― who was holding a rifle and looking straight at me,” Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein recalled on NBC’s “Today” show. “And then as soon as he saw me, he started to shoot toward me, and that’s when I put my hands up and then my fingers got blown away.”

 

Video here. Huffington Post

 

 

Please read this…it might save someone…

Do you believe in miracles?

I got another message today on one of my videos on my Heart ❤️.

Some of you who are new to my world don’t know that basically I was supposed to die in 2008-9. I had a dilated heart that was barely functioning and having heart attacks for months without realizing what was happening!! I dumb down the explanation because it was such an incredible and life-altering time that I can barely write about it without crying! Anyways I told very few people but one of the people who helped me at that time was Jay D Davis who has been a great supporter of my current journey.

You see, every single breath I take since that time is a miracle. That’s why I’m doing this trip! That’s why I left my life in Mexico and am traveling to places I’ve only dreamed of seeing… And that’s also why I have no set destination. Every day is a gift.

That’s also why I choose happiness over sadness no matter what goes on around me. I choose LOVE as my highest value, and love my life so intensely—-every single moment is a miracle. Yes, I wrote the story and from the comments I receive I know it has helped thousands. Maybe you, or someone you know needs to hear my story and know in your heart ❤️ to never, ever give up!!!

Yes, I believe in miracles because I am one.

Here’s my story. If you’re reading this, maybe you or someone near to you needs to hear my story. LOVE the Beat Goes On You can read it for free on Kindle Unlimited on Amazon.

WESTERN WALL JERUSALEM MARCH 2019

What is one thing I can do to give my life a makeover?

This is a great question I was asked recently on Quora. I thought it would be worthy to share.

I spent most of my life running my own businesses or managing teams of people for other corporations. I can tell one thing about people that challenged me on a daily basis: lack of self-esteem and self love!

I’m assuming this question is coming from a woman—it feels like it; but even that is a sexist remark that shows you how I feel about this subject. People lack self-worth and don’t value their own talents and abilities the way they should.

Maybe my thoughts can help you.

Start a journal and on the first page, write a list of things about yourself that you LOVE. If you have to think about it and can’t come up with 5 things quickly, we have a lot of “making over’ work to do! I’ll give you mine right off the top of my head without any thinking:

I’m funny and make a friend easily. I’m entertaining, charming, and love to tease. I’m sexy—yes, at my age, I got it all going on! I’m an adventurer, in business and in my personal life, a goal setter, a dreamer, a believer in the goodness of mankind, a lover, I lead from the heart. I really like myself.

We are taught, or at least my upbringing taught me to be humble, not to brag, not to flaunt myself or my accomplishments, to be good at things but to not stand out or look for accolades. I say bullshit! If you don’t love yourself, who will? And if you don’t come from a place of love, how can you ever love another?

We come into this world alone, and we go out alone. And sometimes, most of the time, we take this journey called life, by ourselves. You better learn to love who you are, focus on your strengths, and let the other nonsense go. Never, ever put yourself down!

I feel like I could write a book about this, maybe I should! Actually, maybe I will. A lot of my thoughts and principles are in LOVE The Beat Goes On, a memoir. By the way, my books are free to read with Kindle Unlimited membership!

Good luck on this journey we call life. My advice to the hundreds of people I led every day is we only go through this world once. Learn to laugh off the nonsense, and play to your strengths. Learn to love yourself first, and the rest will fall into place.

We live today tomorrow we die. What’s the meaning of life?

When my younger son was a teenager, he said something to me that has stayed in my mind: We’re here for a good time, not a long time. I think none of us know how many years or days we have to wander this planet, so we should live each day as if it’s our last.

I recently liquidated my life in order to travel. I’ve lived in Mexico for many years and since I started writing professionally, I’ve met people from all over the world. It opened my mind to opportunities to see a world that I’ve only ever read about or observed in film. Nothing prepares you for the real culture of another country, nor the kindness of a countries’ people. You must experience this.

I have a mantra that’s been running through my mind for the last couple of years: We are all one. If the Universe is to survive, it’s not about climate change but about a definite shift in how we see each other and the tolerance we have for each nation and culture around the world.

The birth of the www. gave us an opportunity that no prior generation ever had. It opened the door to the possibility of friendships from all over the world. These friendships forge the way for us to understand that regardless of the color of our skin, the languages we speak, we have a common thread running through our lives: love. We all wake up in the morning, study, grow, form family, have children—or not—worry about our families, careers, putting food on the table, our health and our love. We are all one.

At the end of my life, I know that all that will matter is how much I loved.

https://www.quora.com/We-live-today-tomorrow-we-die-Whats-the-meaning-of-life/answer/Lynda-FillerMy answer on Quora

What can older women say to younger women to help them mature faster?

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Thanks Pixabay!

I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.

LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.

If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.

If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!

I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.

 

as answered by Lynda Filler on Quora

And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?”  Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.

 

 

What advantage does your biggest flaw give you?

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My biggest flaw is how quickly and easily my heart is engaged in a relationship.

It is both my biggest flaw and my greatest gift. I love that I lead with my heart in all things. I probably hated that about myself when I was a teenager. It created incredible amounts of angst in my life. Do you remember your first love? I remember mine. I was eleven! And not unlike the choices I make today, it was totally inappropriate. I fell in love with my first cousin! I think I have loved him my entire life! Of course, I was too young to act on anything, but I assure you it was love.

Over the years, I’ve had so many deep and meaningful Loves. Some were consummated and reciprocated, others not. But I would not change one delicious and glorious moment of falling in love or being in love, for anything. Yes, if the relationship is inappropriate—I like those type of relationships, they usually involve younger men—I know from the beginning that I have a choice. I can indulge my fantasies, engage my heart and get high on the feeling. Or I can walk away and never allow myself the pleasure of that emotional high. If you read my work here on Quora or have purchased my novels or read my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On you know this is my philosophy on life.

So the advantage my biggest flaw gives me is that I don’t have to analyze my emotions. I know who I am and what I need and want. I go for it. And my life has been enriched by the relationships I’ve nurtured, the men I’ve loved, and the life I’ve led because I’ve always led with my heart.

 

follow Lynda Filler on Quora

Can you show us a window to your love?

Two roads diverged in a wood,and I-I took the one less traveled byAnd thathas made all the differenceRobert Frost

 

Oh my. This question gave me shivers.                                                 (on Quora)

There’s a guru on YouTube named Evan Carmichael. He wrote a book called “One Word.” He states that everyone should define their brand or their belief system with one word. His is Belief. Mine is LOVE.

If you open my Amazon book profile, my first three books have LOVE in their title. I use the word constantly. I’m not afraid to tell people I love them. I don’t hold back, ever. I lead from love. It’s my most important value.

The window… yes, that beautiful window. I’ve lived my life following my heart, following love.

As Robert Frost said, “Two roads diverged in a wood and I – I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.

I chose the path of love. And no matter how many twists and turns my life took, how many wins, losses, and disappointments, I wouldn’t change any of it for any reason. I always moved forward from a place of love.

 

 

Your date is going so well that you agree to go back to his/her place.

What’s one thing he/she could do to completely ruin the mood?

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*You know I love to share my Quora answers!

If I’d agreed to go to your place, you’ve more than likely already done enough right things to get me there. What could you do further that would be stupid? Let me make a list.

  1. you could ramble on endlessly about your ex—I’d be bored
  2. you could ask me too many personal questions about past lovers—that seems to be in annoying abundance lately
  3. you could ask me about STD’s insinuating that I sleep around
  4. you could open up a bottle of wine and insist on drinking the whole thing
  5. you could become a rather sloppy drunk and I would walk out immediately
  6. you could take too long to make a pass at me, and I would be totally bored
  7. you could fall asleep in the middle of a passionate moment and I would leave
  8. you could be a ‘biff-bam-thank-you-mam’ kind of guy in which case I would be a ‘no-second-chance’ kind of girl

I hope you enjoy this  ‘tongue-in-cheek’ silly, yet serious response from me today!

 

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