What can older women say to younger women to help them mature faster?

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Thanks Pixabay!

I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.

LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.

If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.

If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!

I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.

 

as answered by Lynda Filler on Quora

And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?”  Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.

 

 

Why am I so scared to say “I love you” to my boyfriend?

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For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.

However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?

I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.

And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.

Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’

I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.

I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.

And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.

So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.

Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.

 

Shared from my answer in Quora 

Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes

How to deal with a broken heart…

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Have you ever been in a position where someone was crying out for help with romantic issues and you didn’t know how to save her? I was talking to a friend recently and I felt her sense of hopelessness. I did some research on the internet.

I came across this super cynical quote, needless to say, it’s anonymous!

“I have a better piece of advice: Don’t ever fall in love in the first place. Just don’t do it. It always leads to heartbreak and it’s never worth it. If you never let yourself fall in love with anyone, then you will never have to worry about getting over a broken heart. It’s as simple as that.”

My friend is a writer, which makes it double-challenging because you already know she lives in her head. And she’s an incurable romantic–10X the romance part. Imagine where her mind takes her! But here’s the crux of her challenge. When she’s feeling okay, she deals really well with the stress of career vs. following her dreams and her heart. But when she becomes ill, and her life goes into slow motion, watch out. She spirals quickly.

You see, she won’t admit it even to herself, but she’s fallen in love with an impossible situation. There’s no point in going into the details. If you think of all the things that make a sensible relationship work–or not work–the ‘not work part’ that’s her relationship. Status, family, distance, goals, dreams, the list is endless. There is no way to console her. And let me tell you, I’ve tried. I’m the eternal optimist. It doesn’t matter what happens in life, I will find a positive spin. But I can’t seem to help my dear friend out of this one. Nope. She’s inconsolable.

I tried laughter. I told her to go get her hair done, shop, have a massage–that always works, right? But her only response to me was this:

“When I met him, I had a good talk with myself. I saw the impossibility even as I found myself falling hard. I know I’m in love with a man who’s all wrong for me. But in my heart, he’s the guy I’ve waited for my whole life. He’s not my first love, but I feel he will be my last. When I feel normal, I can deal with the sadness. But when I’m sick, it all comes to the surface and all I want to do is cry and hide from the world.”

I’m at a loss with suggestions for dealing with self-pity. Could she be depressed and has been hiding it even from herself?

I found a few suggestions on how to deal with a broken heart. I’m not sure they will work but maybe I can try sharing them with her.

  1. Take heart, you will get through this, (I tried that. She ignored me.)
  2. Talk to someone who cares. (that’s not working.)
  3. Let yourself feel the pain. (She is definitely doing that.)
  4. Learn something from this experience. (If I say that to her right now, she’s likely to hit me!)
  5. Don’t fall in love again!! (Well, at least that one made her laugh out loud!)

And, finally, I added the one that really made her smile “This shit will make for a really great book!”

and the beat goes on…

 



Check out Lynda’s  latest release on inexplicable #LOVE

 Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money