How do you justify loving someone, when he or she is not interested in you?

A Quora question that I answered today that totally spoke to my heart:

 

I would call that “unconditional love.” I learned unconditional love when I was in a relationship with someone who chose to do Missionary work rather than to be with me. I told myself that he was just not interested enough in me! I was so sad, messed up, disappointed. I cursed him, hated him, for two weeks. (The incidents surrounding our relationship filled a poetry book!)  And then I had a really good talk with myself.

If you love someone unconditionally, you must accept that they may have values, dreams, goals that take precedence over you.

Once I accepted that I loved him “unconditionally’ we continued a relationship by mail, email, letters, and became incredibly close. It was an honor for me to have experienced his heart. I will cherish his communications with me always.

He died 4 months later in South Sudan. After he passed, he’d left someone to stay in touch with me for a year. I called him my bodyguard–and that’s definitely a future book. It seemed my dear friend had left me his journals. Unfortunately for me, my bodyguard refused to turn them over. He said they were too dangerous for those who were still alive. I knew my friend had never married nor had children. But he had saved money and had substantial investments. I discovered he used his money to support 15 orphanages around the world–mostly Africa, the Middle East, and Mexico.

So to answer your question, he gave me far more of his heart than I could ever have experienced if he had given up his life’s’ work to be with me. One day I will write his story.

I (Spy) Love 

I should be dead!

 

4Love The Beat Goes On

Will I die from a broken heart?

I know I’ve caught your attention with my double entendre. But that’s why I wrote it.

What would you do if your doctor gave you six months to live? I’ve heard many answers to this question. Some say, get a second opinion. Well, the second and third and fourth opinions were more depressing than the first!

In 2007 I was experiencing symptoms of heart failure but being the know-it-all that I am, I was self-diagnosing instead of immediately visiting a doctor. I walked around basically having mini-heart attacks without realizing what was happening to me. Women, in general, are neglectful of their health. We tend to be the nurturers and rarely allow ourselves to be nurtured.

For several months I experienced shortness of breath and I decided–after much research on the internet–that I was allergic to sinus medications. Well, in a way I was correct. The “D” in the meds was setting off my already dilated heart. But I had no idea how lucky/unlucky I was. The fact that I lived through that year having mini-heart attacks (layman’s language for your benefit) is its own miracle. And yet, here I am to tell the story.

All this was happening throughout the summer of 2007. In mid-October, I decided to accept an offer to work in Whistler for the winter. After living in Puerto Vallarta full time for several years, I was ready for a change. I packed my red Jeep Liberty and drove by myself from Mexico to Canada. It was amazing. It was exciting, dramatic, stunning and liberating. I did photography and wrote poetry, and stopped at cafes and lived along the sea for two weeks. It was the trip of a lifetime.

Upon the arrival in Whistler, a mountainous region in British Columbia, I was experiencing shortness of breath again. I had a new excuse: I blamed it on the change of altitude!

But all that changed in January of 2008.

I’ve written my memoir of this time, the things I did, and the reasons I believed I had this disease. But, I will tell you one thing. In 2008 the London Cardiomyopathy website online had over 5 million followers. The medical professionals stated emphatically that there was no cure for Idiopathic Dilated Cardiomyopathy. After six months of treatments, my doctors concurred. The specialist told me to get my affairs in order. 

I waited until 2017 to write my story. I was been ‘cured’ completely since 2012. “What if you die,” one friend said. But I wanted to share my story. After all, we will all die eventually. If I’d given into depression and not done the things that made the difference, I wouldn’t be here to write this story. Think of all the experiences I would have missed, the people I have loved, the birth of my grandson, the books I’ve written and the love I’ve received in my life.

No matter what is going on, this memoir will change your life and remind you to never give up and always believe in miracles.

LOVE The Beat Goes On is on sale on Amazon for downloads at $.99 cents. If this is not affordable for you, I understand. Please contact me on FB Msn and I will gladly send you a copy for free.

Thanks for your love and ongoing support of my passion to write stories for you.

 

Help us to awaken Love

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by Paulo Coehlo, reprinted from his blog

 

Just as there are many paths to the top of a mountain, so there are many paths to achieving our goal. Help us to recognize the only one that is worth following, the one on which Love is to be found.

Help us to awaken the Love sleeping within us before we awaken love in other people. Only then will we be able to attract affection, enthusiasm, and respect.

Help us to distinguish between battles that are ours, battles into which we are propelled against our will and battles that we cannot avoid because Fate has placed them in our path.

May our eyes open so that we can see that no two days are ever the same. Each one brings with it a different miracle, which allows us to go on breathing, dreaming and walking in the sun.

May our ears also open to hearing the opposite words that suddenly emerge from the mouth of one of our fellows, even though we haven’t asked for his advice and he has no idea what is going on in our soul at that moment.

And when we open our mouth, may we speak not just the language of men, but the language of angels too and say: ‘Miracles do not go against the laws of nature; we only think that because we do not know nature’s laws.’

And when we achieve this, may we bow our head in respect, saying: ‘I was blind, but now I can see. I was dumb, but now I can speak. I was deaf, but now I can hear. Because God worked his miracle within me, and everything I thought was lost has been restored.’

taken from MANUSCRIPT FOUND IN ACCRA

 

 

 


 

Would you give it all up for love? Vanished in the Sun a Romantic Suspense Novel by Lynda Filler

The Vow

The Vow

© Lynda Filler, Real Love 2018

 

you read my sad, accept my lows

you take me high, make me slow

my mind

and time, our time stands still

 

can you imagine how high we can go

or will it die all that we know we are

before we begin 

 

it happens once 

sometimes never, for some

and when it does

let it be

let it flow

take the beauty, take the love, the passion

let it fortify

a journey, sometimes sad

fraught with turmoil

 

take the love

it’s meant for you

it’s all I have

it’s all I am

all I want to be

one, when I’m with you

 

place your head upon my lap

let me love you

let me take away your worries, allow me in

there is no wrong, no shame, no blame

love is all there is

 

across time and space

we’ve got the gift the world is waiting for

embrace the moments, take the high

let it fill your heart

 

and in your dark hours 

when you are alone

fighting for a world

that disappoints and hurts your heart

remember me

wherever I am, remember my love

the gift you gave me

the time we allowed our love to thrive, alive

beyond age and time

beyond reason and sanity

we basked in its joy and purity

and we loved each other

until time

until infinity

 

and if you need to leave me

I will let you go

 

© The Vow, Real Love 2018

Almost There

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Image may be subject to ©

green intense

light of love

heart love

pulsating

tears rolling down

the pale blue window

inside my mind’s eye

the right side, a film playing

over

and over again

 

heart pain silent relentless

take it away I beg

make it go away

 

intense lights bright

smiles and miles of warmth

take me, please

take me there

take me into his arms

let me touch his hair

let my lips brush his cheek

let me smile with him

let me feel his love

 

straw fields break through

electric blue sky

closer, closer I beg

I can feel I’m almost there

 

swirling turquoise water, is that ocean?

is this what your home is like?

will you take me there

 

are those people I see

wait, talk to me, don’t leave yet

I’m almost there

Mom, can you bring me over

yes, I can feel your smile

don’t you love him too?

 

I know my dream is over

the sun is heating up my room

my left side wants to fly

my right, dead weight here

 

I walked with a child

he was sad and sullen

I took his hand

and told him to dance with me

he smiled and twirled

 

and then he was no longer there

 

on an edge of a bathtub

you sat with me

a stranger holding a gun

told us to get inside

our time was up

it was time to die

 

I felt no fear

I was ready to go

I would follow you anywhere

 

© Almost There, I (Spy) Love Lynda Filler Poet

 

Mate(d)

 

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Pixabay Image

Mate(d)

 

I reserve my right

to love you

to mate with you

in wild and wondrous ways

to hold you sacred 

to enter into an affair 

heart

mind

body

and soul

 

I reserve my right

to fill your empty spaces

with joy and laughter and friendship

 

I promise 

I will never leave you

nor hurt you

nor steal your heart

 

I reserve my right 

to love you unconditionally

against all sense of time 

and space

and culture 

and taboos

without fear 

of loneliness

of heartbreak

 

and when the time comes

I promise

I will let you go

 

© Mate(d) 2018 Lynda Filler

 

Rooms

 

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Rooms

 

my heart has many rooms

and in these rooms

I find old stories

sadness, pain, loss

and incredible moments

of joy

and love

 

I would not (ex)change

the lows

for were they not

a high waiting to happen?

were they not a fearful no

aching to become a jubilant yes!

 

if I fill my heart

with love(s)

one day I am sure

there will be no room

for bad

or sad

and (love) memories will sustain me

as I find my way Home

 

© Rooms, I (Spy) Love  Lynda Filler

Screen Shot 2017-09-11 at 4.40.39 PMI (Spy) Love

 

I miss you…

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March is a month of nostalgia for me.

It’s the birth month of my Mom. She said when her birthday came around she was foreshadowed by mine, two weeks earlier. Don’t you think it’s strange the things we remember?

I recently applied to Ontario, Canada for an original birth certificate. I never had one. I couldn’t remember the exact date of birth of neither of my parents. Weird, right? But I remembered the year and the story I’d told over the years of my ancestry on my mother’s side.

Four Curtin brothers came across from Ireland on a ship and married four Callaghan sisters! Two settled in Western Canada and two in the East–Ontario. What are the chances of that? It’s not a story you’d easily forget.

My mother was a beautiful woman who lived in a time when women stayed home and men went to war. And when some of the men came back, they brought the war zone with them. Unfortunately, I remember too much of that.

She was the one I counted on. She would listen to me and always told me I could do and be anything I wanted in life. She died in 2005. I’ve never returned to the town of my birth in Ontario since then.

I hope she’d be proud of the choices I’ve made. I know she understood when I took my heart from the frozen snow in Canada to the sun-filled days of Puerto Vallarta Mexico.

And I was blessed to feel her leaning over my shoulder as I wrote my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On, she held my hand, every step of the way.

So today I honor her memory and share it with you.

I never told you enough how much I loved you. I miss you, Mom.

 

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Sexy? You bet it is!

 

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From the author of TARGET in the SUN, Best in Contemporary Fiction 2017 comes the steamy release:

Lie to Me an exposé on sex for money    Last days on sale!

“This becomes my favorite and creates a yearning for adventure like that caused by Eat Pray Love.” Gowri

“Sexy? You bet it is. Lynda Filler has a thoughtful way of delivering her wicked sexy story directly, to my very own wicked intimate imaginings.” Mz Patchouli

“Ms. Filler has once again seduced her readers with a very real, very sexy story of love lost, romance found, and sex purchased….for the right price, of course. Very well done!” Sabrina Jean

“Lie to Me, is insanely captivating, entertaining, and exciting… A spellbinding story that explores the psychology of sex in a way that defies Coelho’s Eleven Minutes.” 5 STARS R. Dzemo, Readers’ Favorite. 

From Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money

Layla Duncan–a forty-something writer–has an insatiable curiosity about Mexico’s other tourism, men who sell steamy sexual encounters to vacationing women in Puerto Vallarta. She infiltrates the organized underworld of male prostitution, interviews several men and writes an exposé of their lives. The lines between Layla’s personal life and professional assignment quickly become blurred, and she finds herself questioning her value system in an exciting yet disturbing way.

Quote from the book

Twenty-year-old Mateo:   

He was a ghost. He had no past that he could cling to, a present full of lies, and a future filled with despair. Unless he made changes.

“I’m confused. I’ve never been involved with someone before. I never allowed myself to care before. You are like this wild card that has come into my life. I didn’t ask for you, I didn’t want to fall in love with you. But I think that’s what I feel for you.”

What are your secrets? Layla wondered. Is it pain, or deceit you’re running from; or are you running from yourself?

“Layla, you are so grown up and yet, such a little girl. Don’t you know there are bad men out there? They will set you up, charm you, steal your heart, then take everything else you have to offer. You should go home, little girl, back to Colorado where you belong.” Mateo sighed.

Layla saw a man who lived with wolves in the forest.
Would he ever belong to her?
Mateo drifted off to sleep.
Only music lingered.

lie filler

Purchase at Amazon on sale: Lie to Me an exposé on sex for money