I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE

I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE. I write about it, I’m either in-or-out of it, and I live my life and make choices around it.

I’m still a work-in-progress. At this stage of life, you’d think I’d have it all figured out, but that’s never going to be the case. I’ve chosen to love in unconventional ways and without the restrictions of conditions.

I’ve recently made a decision to change the course of my life. After living in Mexico for many years, I’ve liquidated my life and hopped on a jet plane. I’m currently in Paris and in two days, I’ll be in Frankfurt, then New Delhi, and will continue going to the Middle East, Asia, Malaysia and Indonesia.

Here’s what runs through my mind:

all my bags are packed and i’m ready to go

i’m standin here outside your door, i hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin it’s early morn

the taxi’s waitin, he’s blowin his horn

already i’m so lonesome i could die

so kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you’ll wait for me, hold me like you’ll never let me go

cause i’m leavin on a jet plane, don’t know if i’ll be back again

“Leaving On A Jet Plane” Lyrics

Yes, with self-knowledge comes self-acceptance. The choices I’ve made give me tremendous highs, and not-so-lovely lows. But this is who I am. And my life has been significantly improved because I learned to love unconditionally.

 

To learn more about Lynda Filler read LOVE The Beat Goes On A Memoir

What are your 10 commandments for creative people?

  1. 2. 3. ABC Always Be Creating.
  2. Creativity is the way I give back to the world.
  3. Share. Too many ‘creators’ never think they are good enough. You are good enough! Share with the world!
  4. Be imperfect !!
  5. Look at things upside down and inside out. See your world from a different perspective. Back to #3
  6. Embrace your imperfections. Make mistakes—_){ it’s how we get better
  7. This little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine. Shine your light—it was given to you for a reason.
  8. BE grateful for your gifts. They are special. You are unique.
  9. Be curious about life, the world, people, things
  10. I live in my own little world—they know me there.
Photography Paris Street Art 2019

I am who I am looking for…

I am who I have been looking for…

We are all searching for something. And maybe this message is it.

I want to give you something of who I am and how I see the world. I hope this video will make you smile. 

I’m counting down the days to my voyage of discovery. I visualized this journey for years. And now that I’ve made the decision to travel for a few months, I admit it, I’m nervous yet so very, very excited.

Still, let me not forget that no matter where I go and what I do, I take myself with me“I am the one I’ve been looking for, and I am already enough.”

I’ve spent an hour listening to this video over and over again. This is my gift to you. I hope you love the message and that it’s exactly what you need to hear today.

I am enough.

Is it really that simple?

What is your best advice for staying youthful and healthy as long as you can?

It’s really simple to me. So enjoy the wisdom I shared on Quora tonight. Here’s my list.

  1. Be happy. There is nothing that ages us more than bitterness, and recriminations.
  2. Don’t live in the past. Embrace the present. Refuse to worry about the future because the future never comes.
  3. Laugh a lot, smile often. If you’re a woman, it hides the wrinkles. Life will try to take you down, throw curve balls that will bring you to your knees. Stand tall, be strong, never look back.
  4. LOVE, love yourself, love your life, love the planet, love your family, love your partner(s). Don’t be stingy with your love.
  5. Have no regrets. Never apologize about your life choices and decisions. You can’t change them, even if they were wrong in hindsight… let that stuff go.
  6. Don’t worry about the one that got away. If you’re too busy worrying about a bad relationship or marriage, you’re too bitter to notice the one ahead of you that might be that elusive soul-mate.
  7. Always lead with your heart. Yes, you will screw up, whether it’s in friendships, or with a child, or a mate. Forgive yourself often. You’re only human.
Lynda Filler Author 2019

Does Happily Ever After Exist?

It’s been a while since I worked on a novel. I have four storylines that are competing for my attention, and I can’t seem to focus in on one over the other. So I get my dose of daily writing when I hang out on Quora for a bit. I thought you might enjoy my answer to a rather shallow question. It might be TMI, but then, those of you who know me understand that I’m an open book, a work in progress, and a constantly evolving woman.

This month I’m packing up my life. I’ve sold everything and will begin a journey to places I’ve never been. I have a set departure and a few locations in France, India, Turkey, and Israel that are booked. But once I arrive in Bangkok, I will be free-falling… I have no set date of return to Mexico, although my friends who’ve become a family, believe I will return. I’m not sure.

This is going to be an interesting time. I will blog, post photos here and on IG, FB, Twitter. And I’ll do live videos on FB and my YouTube channel. I promise it will be fun, and a bit crazy. I see the world in strange and wondrous ways.

Back to Quora and the question I couldn’t resist answering: Am I shallow to want to date a woman with a fuller figure?

We all have our preferences. Some of us take a lifetime to truly understand what we like. I’m attracted to eyes. They mirror not only the soul but kindness and mischief. When a man looks at me with ‘those eyes’ I’m in trouble! And a very good kind of trouble it is!

So first it’s eyes, then it’s soul, then it’s brains—I love smart men. They’re usually cocky and annoying and can make you feel inadequate in a way that’s rather adorable. They are adult men with this immense sense of wonder about the subjects that fascinate them. And even though the subjects may be way out of reach for me, I’m wildly attracted to the light, that almost childish sense of wonder as they work through their discoveries, day after day.

And then there is sexy. That comes in all shapes and sizes but I definitely have a type in that area too. I won’t reveal myself because then I’d be at a disadvantage. I get a reaction, an immediate jolt when I find someone attractive. It’s generally mutual. If it’s not, I ignore the feelings and move on.

Am I shallow? Yes. In some ways that I won’t go into here. I have definite physical things that work for me and I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t fit into my likes. Maybe I will one day…

I’m still looking for ‘the one’ who makes my heart sing, speaks to my soul, who will love me and show me that happily ever after truly exists.

I admit it…

It’ been awhile. Have you wondered what happened to me?

I’m unpredictable, enigmatic, and always evolving. If any of my past relationships (men) are reading my blog, you can stop smiling now! I write sporadically, sometimes about topics that make you smile, shake your head, and check the post, wondering if I wrote it at all. “This is me,” as a dear friend of mine would say.

When you begin to understand me, I will do a 180 and you have to start all over again. It’s 2019. I rarely look backward, instead, I prefer to move on and live in the moment, moving towards the future. I have many amazing and beautiful things that happened in 2018, including taking back my emotional life and healing a very sad heart. Well, let me think about what I just said. I’m a woman. Do we ever truly heal our hearts? If we are open to love we will always be putting our hearts back together. So rather than look at 2018 let’s move right on into 2019!!

I have lived in Puerto Vallarta, on and off, since 2002. I fell in love with Mexico in the late 90’s. Many believe I moved here for a man. Let’s just say that I moved here out of love… a love that encompassed self-love, a lover, and a need to save my life rather than stay in a bad marriage and die a little each day.

And now the time has come to move on. I’m not saying I will never come back. But there are places to go and people to meet and stories to write and experiences to live, and love…yes, there will always be love.

I’m traveling first to the USA, then Paris to see my son and grandson, then I will visit India. I’ve never been before so if you have any places in India that touched your heart or spoke to your soul, please share them with me. After India I will spend a couple of days in Istanbul, and then I will have my birthday in Israel. First I will stay very close to the Wailing Wall, in the Arab Quarter in Jerusalem. Just writing this sends shivers up and down my spine. I’m drawn to the Holy Lands like many before me. I suppose my Catholic upbringing has a lot to do with that, but so does the life and death of IDZ, and the exploits of Samaar and Raven (operatives in my series, Code Raven– the first 3 are .99 cents).

After Israel I will go to Bangkok. From there I have absolutely no plans, but I will visit and possibly stay, in Bali. I will follow … my dreams.

Yesterday a friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, ‘You’re following your heart. You’re in love with him.” I objected profusely. “I’m in love with life, with travel, with places I’ve never been to and people I have yet to meet.” She raised her eyebrows and smiled. And then we both laughed.

Do I have a return ticket? No. I never look back and rarely go back, I always move forward. “But, will you come back to Mexico?”

“I always follow my heart.”

The prequel and the first two books in Code Raven Series available for .99 cents on Amazon

Exciting and Overwhelming!

I’ve still not recovered from my trip to Miami! I don’t know what I expected. The event started in the hotel lobby bar (don’t most amazing relationships) when Mark Wayne Adams, the famous illustrator, told me to get ready for one of the most incredible experiences of my lifetime.

The sheer amount of talent in one room was both exhilarating and awe-inspiring! The Readers’ Favorite Awards outdid themselves in pulling together some of the most talented authors in the world. I absorbed every single word, learned many new aspects of the industry from Marketers, Agents, Publicists, and Print Houses. Overall, all my fellow authors inspired me to work harder, to hone my skills, to become a better writer for my fans. 

Mark Wayne Adams presenting a bronze medal to Lynda Filler for Contemporary Romance Social Issues 
Lie to Me and expose on Sex for Money

The sequel is now live on Amazon SHOOT ME

a Lie to Me novel

Layla wakes up one morning to an empty bed in steamy Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. 
She drowns herself in wine, espresso, and pot but nothing seems to dull the ache of losing Mateo. A change of scenery in the trendy city of Guadalajara might be the answer.

Insert Pablo, a hot young fashion photographer.
Add forty-something writer Layla, her pink stilettos and her insatiable appetite for hot young men.
Complicate things with Omar, a musician, and a one-night-stand.
Enter Mish a University student who is relegated to the friend zone in Layla’s life. But will he stay there?
Then invite the cartel boss’ son to a private opening of the fashion photographer Pablo’s latest erotic exhibit.
A bomb goes off, and the action goes into overdrive.

If you love sexual-tension, and a complex series of titillating and exciting twists and turns, you will want to read Shoot Me. 
Layla is a woman with a heart who keeps searching for love in all the wrong places.
Will she finally find it?

Hot off the heels of Peoples Favorite award-winning Lie to Me an exposé on sex for money, comes book 2, Shoot Me.

“Lynda Filler has once again delivered a fast-paced, sexy and sometimes gut-wrenching page-turner that will unnerve you and leave you breathless.” Readers’ Favorite.

“Hot, sexy and dangerous.” M. S.

“Lynda Filler sure knows how to keep the reader engaged. This was a roller coaster of a ride book.” KMC

“A beautiful, sensual and tantalizing story.
With real, vivid characters, you can delve into the sultry, sexy scene in Mexico and fall in love with the intoxicating rhythm of love.” S. J.

SHOOT ME available for .99c on download and also available in paperback! Thanks so much for supporting my passion!

WAR!

 

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What do your children pass on the streets on the way home from school?

What would you be prepared to do to save them?

So today I want to honor the victims of war in general. Those who lost family members in the Holocaust, those who lost fathers or grandfathers who fought in the war, and you who will be reading this note and nodding your head. We too are victims. We too suffered the effects of the long-term war.

My father, and uncles participated in World War II. Although I’m Canadian and was not a child of this era, my Dad was in the Royal Canadian Army Signal Corps and was stationed in England.

My father never talked about the war. I remember watching programs on TV with the family years later. But I never really knew what he did. Was he in combat? Was he in an office behind listening devices. Did Dad code, or decode messages? Dad was a recognized Math genius. He entered competitions every year in the military. And my father kept a workroom in every house we lived in, to use his ham radio and talk with people from all over the world. So it’s possible he was involved in things he could never talk about. Or saw horrible deaths that he carried in his mind and heart his whole life. I will never know.

My Dad left a special legacy for us, the children of a parent who fought in the war. His legacy was anger and pain. He drank excessively. He fought with my mother. Although I never saw physical abuse–or maybe I blocked it–my younger sis says she saw marks on my mother’s neck.

I remember Dad drank excessively and by dinner time he was impossible to talk to. We fought all the time. My family dinner memories were of me leaving the table crying. I don’t think I ever finished a meal in my teenage years. My sis remembers only that I was the one who spoke up, so she didn’t have to!

My childhood was not pleasant. I suppose at the time, I didn’t know the difference. It was my reality. But with early blanked memories, I know there were things that happened that my mind has decided I don’t need to remember. And I’m good with that. I was one of the lucky ones. I suffered no long-term effects of that period on my life unless you count several divorces, and the inability to form deep, trusting relationships. I’m sure I’m not alone. Unfortunately, to this day, the men and women who go to war bring it home with them. It’s not their fault, I understand that. And many will get help and life will go on.

I implore legislators around the world, governments, who merely sit in the gilded cages and sign documents allowing militaries to destroy economies and lives, to think, just stop and think, about the ravages of war. Think about our own militaries–my nephew who served several times in Kabul, my SEAL friends who’ve lost their lives and those of their friends. Think about the long-term effect of war zones and war, before you routinely decide to blockade a region, turn off food supplies or close your borders!

Mexico, shame on you for separating men from their families and only permitting women and children to come through on Caravan from war-torn Central America. You must take full responsibility for the kidnapping of 100 women and children this past week. It doesn’t matter that its drug cartels or human trafficking rings, you alone bear the responsibility for leaving them unprotected.

And the US, I have no words for the leadership of the USA. The world once believed it was the greatest nation in the world. Everyone wanted to go to America. And now the best and the brightest from around the world are afraid to join your working ranks. Some refugees have no choice but to flee or die. But others have choices, and they are choosing to seek great job opportunities in other nations, places where they are wanted. If you’re not careful, all that will be left in the USA is the next generation of racists.

So take this moment to put yourself in the shoes or no shoes of the people who are fleeing the countries that in many ways first-world-countries have helped to destroy. Think about bearing responsibility for our actions in all things in life. And show compassion and love today not just for those who have died, but the current victims of war.

Refugee:

A refugee, generally speaking, is a displaced person who has been forced to cross national boundaries and who cannot return home safely. Such a person may be called an asylum seeker until granted refugee status by the contracting state or the UNHCR if they formally make a claim for asylum. UNHRC

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If you are curious about a first-hand fictional story of a refugee: mother and child, fleeing Syria read Lynda Filler’s  DISPLACED

DISPLACED-4

What advantage does your biggest flaw give you?

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My biggest flaw is how quickly and easily my heart is engaged in a relationship.

It is both my biggest flaw and my greatest gift. I love that I lead with my heart in all things. I probably hated that about myself when I was a teenager. It created incredible amounts of angst in my life. Do you remember your first love? I remember mine. I was eleven! And not unlike the choices I make today, it was totally inappropriate. I fell in love with my first cousin! I think I have loved him my entire life! Of course, I was too young to act on anything, but I assure you it was love.

Over the years, I’ve had so many deep and meaningful Loves. Some were consummated and reciprocated, others not. But I would not change one delicious and glorious moment of falling in love or being in love, for anything. Yes, if the relationship is inappropriate—I like those type of relationships, they usually involve younger men—I know from the beginning that I have a choice. I can indulge my fantasies, engage my heart and get high on the feeling. Or I can walk away and never allow myself the pleasure of that emotional high. If you read my work here on Quora or have purchased my novels or read my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On you know this is my philosophy on life.

So the advantage my biggest flaw gives me is that I don’t have to analyze my emotions. I know who I am and what I need and want. I go for it. And my life has been enriched by the relationships I’ve nurtured, the men I’ve loved, and the life I’ve led because I’ve always led with my heart.

 

follow Lynda Filler on Quora

Why am I so scared to say “I love you” to my boyfriend?

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For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.

However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?

I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.

And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.

Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’

I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.

I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.

And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.

So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.

Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.

 

Shared from my answer in Quora 

Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes