It’s really simple to me. So enjoy the wisdom I shared on Quora tonight. Here’s my list.
- Be happy. There is nothing that ages us more than bitterness, and recriminations.
- Don’t live in the past. Embrace the present. Refuse to worry about the future because the future never comes.
- Laugh a lot, smile often. If you’re a woman, it hides the wrinkles. Life will try to take you down, throw curve balls that will bring you to your knees. Stand tall, be strong, never look back.
- LOVE, love yourself, love your life, love the planet, love your family, love your partner(s). Don’t be stingy with your love.
- Have no regrets. Never apologize about your life choices and decisions. You can’t change them, even if they were wrong in hindsight… let that stuff go.
- Don’t worry about the one that got away. If you’re too busy worrying about a bad relationship or marriage, you’re too bitter to notice the one ahead of you that might be that elusive soul-mate.
- Always lead with your heart. Yes, you will screw up, whether it’s in friendships, or with a child, or a mate. Forgive yourself often. You’re only human.
I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.
LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.
If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.
The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.
If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!
I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.
And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?” Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.
For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.
However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?
I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.
And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.
Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’
I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.
I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.
And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.
So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.
Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.
Shared from my answer in Quora
Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On
In no particular order, here are some books I’ve put together that I found intriguing. Some I have read, some not. Those that I haven’t have been added to my TBR. Anything you’d like to add to our list, drop it in the comments. Enjoy this selection.
Promise Me Dad: A year of Hope, Hardship, and Purpose by Joe Biden
Joe Biden, former Vice President, and possible future presidential candidate lost his son Beau to brain cancer after a momentous struggle. When Beau was in the midst of his fight against the disease, he made his father promise that he would be all right. Over the next year, Joe Biden served his country as Vice President while his son slowly lost his battle. In this remarkable memoir, Biden opens up about that period of his life, discussing with disarming intimacy the personal and political struggles he endured while working to make the world a safer place and trying to decide if he would run for president in 2016. Biden’s wisdom and advice for anyone who has lost someone close to them is powerful, and his insights into life’s problems come from someone who has dealt with some of the most difficult challenges in modern times
It’s Not Yet Dark: A Memoir by Simon Fitzmaurice
A doctor gave filmmaker Fitzmaurice four years to live following an ALS diagnosis in 2008. By 2010, he was at death’s door and given little hope, but nevertheless chose to take extraordinary measures to stay alive. In the years since he’s fathered twins and continued to work as a documentarian. Fitzmaurice talks candidly about his daily struggles, but also about the family that sustains him in a life that’s radically different from the one he’d planned for.
Leonardo da Vinci, by Walter Isaacson
Isaacson begins with the presumption that Leonardo da Vinci was perhaps the most creative genius in human history and proceeds from there, digesting more than 7,000 pages of notes da Vinci left behind and producing this biography. Unlike anything else you’ve ever read about the most famous artist of the 15th and 16th centuries, Isaacson paints a portrait of a restless mind that exhibited unusual curiosity and made magical connections between disciplines that had never been made before. At the same time, he shows da Vinci as a man whose always-churning mind could leave many projects unfinished as he dashed from idea to idea. When one of our best modern writers tackles one of the most famous minds in history, it’s time to pay attention.
The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir, by Ariel Levy
Celebrated writer Levy tells her life story with verve and gusto, exploring as a central theme the way the universe laughs at our plans. As a young child Levy was taught she could do anything, but also warned not to depend on a man for support. As her star rose as a writer for New York Magazine and elsewhere in the 1990s her life began taking unscheduled detours: she married an older woman with substance abuse problems, she conceived a child using a sperm donor but suffered a miscarriage, and she never lost a burning desire to seek adventure and new experiences. The end result is a compelling and compulsively readable memoir.
Code Girls: The Untold Story of the American Women Code Breakers of World War II, by Liza Mundy
Stories of World War II often focus on the heroic deeds of male soldiers, but newly declassified documents reveal a shadow army of women who also did their part—the codebreakers. Recruited from colleges and secretarial pools for their math skills, these women were set to the task of breaking enemy codes, but their efforts and achievements were top secret, and their stories largely unknown—until now. Battling the expected sexism and hostile attitudes of their male counterparts and supervisors, tens of thousands of women helped to end the war much more quickly than it would have otherwise, and Mundy rescues their stories from obscurity and gives them the credit they deserve. In fact, she makes a solid case that without these women, we might not have won World War II at all.
The Lost City of the Monkey God: A True Story, by Douglas Preston
Preston, also known as one half of the team writing the Agent Pendergrast series of thrillers, details his involvement with a team seeking to prove the existence of a lost city in the Honduran wilderness. Legends tell of a city destroyed by a series of natural cataclysms, abandoned as cursed, and forbidden for centuries. Using a combination of cutting-edge technology and boots on the ground, Preston and his team locate two large sites and a wealth of archaeological treasures to prove that a lost civilization once existed in an area of the world where no human being has set foot in centuries. Preston’s skill as a novelist makes the deep-dive into the past at once entertaining, gripping, and informative.
We’re Going to Need More Wine: Stories That Are Funny, Complicated, and True, by Gabrielle Union
Actress Union tells her story with wit and sensitivity, a story that includes her struggles as one of a few black students in a predominantly white high school, the devastating rape at gunpoint that almost broke her, and her recovery and pursuit of a high-octane Hollywood career. Union addresses topics including parenting, raising black kids in a culture often perceived as steeped in racism, and teen sexuality—always with disarming humor and perceptive insights that mark this as much more than a typical Hollywood vanity memoir. Without much of a filter, Union comes across as a nuanced survivor who has managed to keep both her sense of humor and her ability to love despite her experiences.
When we write a memoir, there’s nowhere to hide.
“Powerful and unforgettable” JackMagnus, 5 Star Readers’ Favorite
“This is a book every human alive should read and take away the lessons given.”It’s that good.” J. Sikes
“I found this book so inspiring, and I think it can benefit a lot of other readers too. It’s an approachable, quick read with humor and lots of heart. You can probably read it in a day or two, but I hope you’ll remember its message forever.” J. M. Keelor
“Lynda’s book is inspiring and a reminder that miracles do you happen, you just have to believe in them! A quote I really enjoyed from Lynda’s book was “Release. Breathe. Let it all go. Get rid of the weight, pain and hurts holding you back.” So true! Never stop believing. Thank you, Lynda, for sharing your story.” Ctina
Thank all of you for being a part of my journey!
When in doubt, take action. Meet Mel Robbins”
Mel Robbins is a serial entrepreneur and one of the most booked motivational speakers in the world. She’s the CEO and co-founder of The Confidence Project, a media and digital learning company working with Fortune 500 brands.
Mel is the creator and star of the Audible Original series “Kick-Ass With Mel Robbins,” a first of its kind life and business advice talk show.
In 2017, Mel broke self-publishing records with her international best-seller The 5 Second Rule. It was named the #1 audiobook in the world and the fifth most read book of the year on Amazon. It is translated into 31 languages.
Mel is a relatable, no-BS expert on change, human behavior, and mindset. Her social media platform reaches 20 million people a month and her TEDx Talk has been viewed by over 14 million people.
Here are her top 10 Rules for Success as posted on Evan Carmichael. It’s a great channel to subscribe to for daily inspiration and motivation!
Evan likes #6, I like #9. Have your own definition of success: Work it, believe in yourself, and #love what you do.
1. Control how you live
2. Get rid of your phone
3. Focus on the customer
4. Take action
5. Cheer for everybody
6. Tweak your habits
7. Stop caring what others think
8. Be mindful of how you speak
9. Have your own definition of success
10. Apply the ‘6 months’ rule
Thanks for visiting my blog.
If you’re looking for the habits and beliefs that led to “Healing from incurable” I would love to hear what you have to say about my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On
I Spy Heaven
My dear friend Kristaline sent this note to me after a lover/friend died suddenly in 2011. I included it on the last page of my poetry book I (Spy) Love.
by Kristaline Shannon
It’s so awful when someone is afraid and so awesome when you can ease that fear. Your faith is strong; you will be amazing.
For me, for all of us, it is a park drawn out of sidewalk chalk. The colors don’t exist here and cannot be described but are beautiful. All the toys are made with the special chalk and Elijah and Rick guard the entrance from evil. There is no age or time. There is no pain and everyone you have ever loved or missed is there in some form or another. You have access to everything you ever wanted on an emotional level.
Rylee showed me the entrance just after Michael died. We were at the street fair and drawing on the street with chalk. She drew a blue pizza and said it was for Michael and I asked her why did you make it blue; and she said, “Michael likes blue.” I found the entrance next time I meditated.
more about life/love/death/dying/overcoming a death sentence: LOVE The Beat Goes On, a memoir
March–my month of introspection…
I’ve always tried to live my life as if each day, each moment would be the last one. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
After the publication of my memoir on healing LOVE The Beat Goes On, I received a particularly hurtful attack on my person. The title of the review was elegant: A Woman of Privilege and Passion. It was not about the writing or even the message, it was an attack on me as a woman for following my dreams, picking up my life in one country and moving to another–to save my life. It was the hurtful and spiteful way she attacked my life as being one of Privilege. And any of you who grew up as Military brats know that moving every three years, breaking attachments or worse, finding it impossible to make attachments, is far from a privileged life. But what it does do is allow you to move on when your current life becomes life-threatening.
I’ve been reading Coelho ever since I released my latest novel Lie To Me an exposé on sex for money and a reviewer suggested my book defied Paulo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes. I don’t remember reading his works before but then anyone who knows me will tell you I have a terrible memory! I’m now up to my fourth Coelho book The Zahir, and in his books, I’ve found answers to many things. But most importantly, I’m learning how to be unapologetic about my life choices.
Does guilt ring a bell for any of you? I grew up with Catholic guilt as an extremely important part of my decision-making process. I’m learning, finally, to get over myself. I’ve worked hard my entire life and done incredible things. I’ve always said I’m “blessed” but although that may be true–it’s how I choose to see my life–I’ve made choices, often very painful choices. Not everyone around me was happy with those choices, I’m sure. But I forged on because I followed the path of the life I was destined to live. And for that decision, some suffered, including me. But in the end, I saved my life–my life as I know it today.
I highlight when I read. It’s one of the things I love about my iPad/Kindle App. I can go back over the notes and nod my head in recognition of passages that fill my soul with sighs. The above message is not new, but is one we should all think about, especially at a time like right now!
This past week I made one such choice. Am I nervous about it? Yes, very. Can it change the direction of my life? Possibly. Is it the right thing to do? Well, if it was put in front of me, I tend to follow my intuition. Can it hurt me? Potentially. But the fear of lost opportunity or regret is stronger than the fear of making a mistake.
“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted. Do it now.” Paulo Coelho.
March is a month of nostalgia for me.
It’s the birth month of my Mom. She said when her birthday came around she was foreshadowed by mine, two weeks earlier. Don’t you think it’s strange the things we remember?
I recently applied to Ontario, Canada for an original birth certificate. I never had one. I couldn’t remember the exact date of birth of neither of my parents. Weird, right? But I remembered the year and the story I’d told over the years of my ancestry on my mother’s side.
Four Curtin brothers came across from Ireland on a ship and married four Callaghan sisters! Two settled in Western Canada and two in the East–Ontario. What are the chances of that? It’s not a story you’d easily forget.
My mother was a beautiful woman who lived in a time when women stayed home and men went to war. And when some of the men came back, they brought the war zone with them. Unfortunately, I remember too much of that.
She was the one I counted on. She would listen to me and always told me I could do and be anything I wanted in life. She died in 2005. I’ve never returned to the town of my birth in Ontario since then.
I hope she’d be proud of the choices I’ve made. I know she understood when I took my heart from the frozen snow in Canada to the sun-filled days of Puerto Vallarta Mexico.
And I was blessed to feel her leaning over my shoulder as I wrote my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On, she held my hand, every step of the way.
So today I honor her memory and share it with you.
I never told you enough how much I loved you. I miss you, Mom.