Why am I so scared to say “I love you” to my boyfriend?

Screen Shot 2018-10-21 at 11.37.40 PM

For me, the answer has always been simple. I would be afraid that he is not going to say “I love you” back to me. I wouldn’t want to get hurt if his feelings are not as strong as mine.

However, I think my answer and my thoughts on this issue are stupid! I bet that surprises you. Look how quickly we say we don’t like something or someone. When you get into arguments you might even say you hate someone. So why are we so stingy with the word love?

I’ve worked at getting over this stigma or foolishness I have with this word. There are all kinds of love. Give it freely. It will always come back to you even if it only comes back to you in loving yourself. You will love yourself more because you are not afraid to use the word and share your love unconditionally.

And what do I mean by unconditionally? It took me the loss of a lover to understand what this word meant.

Let me explain. I was involved with a man that I loved and wanted to be with. Instead, he chose a higher calling. He retired from the SEALs and went to Africa to work with orphans. I was devastated. This man and I had an intense emotional relationship and there was no doubt in my mind that he loved me. But he had a calling that was so much bigger than ‘us.’

I remember this event like it happened yesterday. It was the time in my life when I learned what it really means to say “I love you.” It means my love for you surpasses your choices. It is above my need for you to return it back to me. I can love you even if you are not able, or have the same need, to give me back what I want or think I need. I still love you. I had to decide if my love for him was about ME or about HIM.

I value that time in my life. It took me two weeks to understand that this was truly the first time in my life when I really loved someone. I had to let him go physically but I kept my relationship with him. We communicated daily. It was intense and beautiful. He shared his journey, his love for me, photos of the events in the orphanage in South Sudan. His daily challenges were immense. But he was happy doing this work. It fed his heart and his soul. He had spent years in and out of the tunnels in Afghanistan and his soul was fractured and needed to heal. I would never have been enough for him.

And four months after he left to go to Africa, he was dead.

So never ever miss an opportunity to say I love you. You are saying it for yourself. And celebrating your love, vocalizing it is a beautiful thing. And if it’s not returned the way you want, who cares! It’s not about the one you love, it’s about you, how you feel, and how you have shown up in his life. If he loves you back that’s great. But if he understands that there are no conditions attached to your love, I think it will be fine.

Don’t be afraid to show the best emotion that life has to offer. You owe it to yourself.

 

Shared from my answer in Quora 

Read more about Lynda’s philosophy on life in her memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On

Love front with quotes

Meltdown

Version 2

© Lynda Filler Photography

 

Meltdown

 

Spring

was never waiting for us

it went one step forward

as I longed

for our dance

 

I thought

you would come to me one rainy summer day

instead

you had Dragons to Slay

and orphans to love

and a God to appease

 

my dream

was melting in the dark

someone left my cake

out in the rain

I don’t think that I can make it

cause it took so long to bake it

and I will never have that recipe

again

 

still

I loved you

 

and then you died

 

© I (Spy) Love, Lynda Filler

 

 

 

A Poem… Love/Africa/Tears

 

5

Tears

 

palms sway softly

breezes whisper words I know have come

from you

 

dust swirls

sand stings alert eyes

grit mixes with tears

for a pain we cannot fix

and lives we may not save

 

an African blood moon rises

your heart turns to me

you feel my breath upon dry lips

a caress, a love word

 

somewhere beyond deserts—beyond droughts

and babies that cry without tears—the soil

is lush

 

a woman waits

and she is filled

with love

for you

 

I (Spy) Love   FREE ON KINDLE

Narco Orphans NEW RELEASE

Exceptional and captivating author Lynda Filler pulls her readers in once again with this heart-stopping thriller suspense, action drama journey of love, heartache, search and discovery. No sooner than much anticipated ‘The Road to San Pancho’ was released, Lynda Filler’s insatiable appetite for high anxiety in exotic places will leave the reader breathless!

Central to this fast-paced story of young and feisty Peace, a red-headed dynamo who, through the anguish of the recent loss of her mother, finds the beauty and serenity of the seaside village of San Pancho on the Pacific coast of Mexico to be the perfect location to begin her unrelenting search for a father she has never known.

Newfound friend Jared, a rugged and buff heartthrob, extends a supportive hand to Peace during her quest to come to terms with her past and present. All the while, the senseless destruction and killing of innocent nearby village families marks yet another swift and devastating assault by the CIA, DEA and Federales on a mission to capture the elusive and most-wanted Mexican drug cartel crime lord ‘El Chapo’.

Front to back, this gripping novella brings an adrenalin rush of anticipation as scenes play out from the caramel sands of San Pancho. Cascading surf and the fragrance of wild jasmine, combined with scents of the local cuisine, are scintillating. In stark contrast are the dense jungles climbing high into the mountain interface, torrid killing zones where swift and deadly force is waged to weed out a relentless Sinaloa drug cartel and its elusive crime boss.

Tearful and increasingly apprehensive, Peace seeks out clarity through an all-seeing local village Tarot reader who enlightens and proffers a window of opportunity and hope for the young, bereaved woman to reach out and embrace what was in her past and will be in her future that lies ahead.

Embattled by conflicting emotions, Peace finds purpose through the care of grief-stricken children whose sleepless nights and memory-torn days of explosive violence and the death of their beloved parents leaves them orphaned and desperate for love, safe haven and caring.

Nothing hurts more than the pain and anguish seen through the eyes of innocent children.

https://goo.gl/7NhzBM

Narco Orphans copy