What can older women say to younger women to help them mature faster?

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Thanks Pixabay!

I can keep it simple or make it complicated. Let’s assume that so many have answered this question already so I will keep it short and sweet.

LEARN to love you, yourself, first. Get rid of your stupid insecurities and focus on your amazing inner beauty. Don’ t let any guy/girl take away your confidence or tell you who you are/should be/should do! The sooner you learn your self-worth, the happier your life will be.

If you don’t believe that love is an inside job, look at the divorce rate. If we knew how to love ourselves, we wouldn’t get into some of the stupid relationships we choose when we’re young. And for some of us, we continue with the age-old definition of insanity: repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result.

The more confidence and self-love you have, the more likely you are to choose or be chosen by a man/woman who has the same thing going on. Likes attract.

If you spend your life looking for your soulmate you miss the opportunity to really connect with the soul-mate-that is-you!

I want you to remember these words forever: you should be your first and last love. You are the only one that can truly keep you safe and warm at night. LOVE yourself first.

 

as answered by Lynda Filler on Quora

And pick up a copy of LOVE The Beat Goes On, “When your doctors give you six months do live, what do you do?”  Lynda Filler’s memoir on healing.

 

 

Pass GO and don’t stop until your heart is broken.

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I warned you if you follow my writing or my blog, I’m open and I get personal. So if that’s not your thing, best not to continue reading.

We live in a time when LOVE is all the rage; but who really knows what it means anymore? Is it sexual attraction because that’s what the media is all about? Is it soul-mates? There’s a word we never hear anymore. I think it’s all surface and no depth. But then, what do I know. All I can say is for some reason I must make some really bad choices because ‘real love’ eludes me…or does it?

I found the meaning of “unconditional love” several years ago.” I’d fallen in love with Navy SEAL and if you know anything about that life then you also know there’s very little that I can reveal. But at a crucial point in our relationship we each had a choice to make. His was following a higher calling, a belief that giving back was his purpose. He retired, then took off to Africa to work with orphans. I thought he’d take a plane to Mexico and be with me. So for two weeks I sulked and refused communications. And then I woke up one morning and I understood that this is unconditional love. If I truly loved him for everything he stands for, how could I stop loving him because MY heart hurt? So I gave myself a good talking to and began a four-month communication that will remain as an incredible time in my life. I rejoiced in everything he was accomplishing. He shared his life in photos and his heart with everything he was able to give me at the time. And then he died. I immortalized him in my writing. I know it would make him smile.

What is unconditional love? Maybe it means different things to different people. Sometimes we have to accept conditions that we hate, we despise, and we cannot change.  But does that mean we don’t love? Does that mean we hold back on our love? Does that mean we don’t want the best for those we love, even our romantic partners?

The second time I made a decision to love someone unconditionally has covered a span of eleven years. When your lover disappears on a “business trip” and you don’t see him for four months, it’s damn difficult as one of my friends would say. But it’s even worse when he goes on to spend the next part of his life in-and-out of hospitals trying to stay alive. And yeah, I have a thing for people who work in things they can never talk about. And if any bad guys are reading this, I know nothing of value. And being the eternal optimist, I waited a long long long time before I moved on with relationships. But the last  18 months he’s been on life support. He’s the bravest man I know. I will love him until the day I die. Every day I send a message and hope that he’s well enough to read it. I do it for him, and I do it for me. And yes, about every couple of weeks I get a message back. And no, I wouldn’t let me devote my life to be with him while he’s dying. He told me I had to move on with my life. Even though he knows I will never stop loving him because my love is unconditional.

And when I did move on and open up to love again, DAMN. I’m writing and shaking my head. What is it with me and impossible situations? This one is the most stupid, ridiculous, impossible, and heart-breaking one yet. But I’m dealing with it. Why does it always have to be f**king ‘unconditional?’

I have a mantra for the last ten years of my life. Every morning at 9 a.m. my communication devices remind me: I LOVE myself, and I am enough. And forgiving yourself for falling in love with the impossible, no future, no hope, makes no intellectual sense-man has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever allowed myself to do. Pass GO and don’t stop until your heart is broken. So I will go into my cocoon and write it all out.

I always follow my heart, and that bitch makes me pay for it, over and over again.

Repeat after me: I love myself. I am enough.

Today I’ve written it a hundred times.

And I will continue until I believe it.

This too shall pass.

“I’m not a body with a soul…”

I’m not a body with a soul, I’m a soul that has a visible part called the body.” Paulo Coelho

 

Have you ever stood above yourself and gazed down and watched your body doing something mundane?

Have you ever been in the midst of a crowd of talking, laughing, with excited people and found yourself all alone?

Have you ever been told you’re dying?

Have you ever been in the middle of a conversation and forgotten completely what you were saying?

You’re having an out of body experience. You’re a soul, not truly present, with a body that’s a stand-in during that split second in time.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the correct response, at that moment, is violence, anger, frustration, maybe harsh words, and yet…something in you makes you immediately turn around and walk away?

The human mind and body have a tendency to react in a specific manner to specific events. This is how our bodies are wired–we respond, react. When the mind takes over, we are weighing our options. When the soul takes over, you are no longer on this plane. Instead, you are two steps outside your physical existence closer to the essence of who you could be, all the time if you only allowed your soul to speak.

I want to live in a world where everyone has become enlightened or more conscious, where everyone recognizes that inside, we are all the same.

Yes, I’m a dreamer but I love this about me.

 

I GROW SILENT DEAR SOULYOU SPEAK.RUMI

© Image Lynda Filler Photography 2018

 

 

Taking the decision to follow the light, Coelho



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As we all know, I’m a great reader of all things Coelho. My number one value is #love, it shows itself in my poetry and even in my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On. So here’s something I’d love to share.

Paulo Coelho

The Warrior of the light had begun to believe that it is better to follow the light. He had already betrayed, told lies, strayed off his path, paid court to the darkness. And everything continued going well – as if nothing had happened. Now he wants to change his attitudes.

When taking this decision, he hears four comments: “You always acted wrongly. You are too old to change. You are not good. You don’t deserve it”.

He looks towards heaven, and a voice says: “well, my dear, everyone has made mistakes. You are forgiven, but I can’t force this pardon. Decide for yourself”.

The true warrior of the light accepts the pardon and then takes some precautions.

 

Shine Bright!

This is a stunningly beautiful blog for all of us. Her words are perfect as is she. Meet The Godly Chic Diaries. 

“I want all the girls watching to know that a new day is on the horizon and when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women…and some pretty phenomenal men fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders that take us to the time nobody has to say “Me too” again”  – OPRAH WINFREY

Like many of you, I watched Oprah’s speech and thought DAMNNN she is #GOALS, but so are WE! 🙂 She just lit a fire and empowered each and every one of us to stand up for injustice!

Speaking my truth, standing up for what I believe in. You are free to be You. Each and every one of us has the infinite potential to be giants in this world. Someone’s opinion of you does not have to be your reality. You don’t have to go through life being a victim.

Rise up against your defeat and face your adversity with resiliency. Be bold, Be brilliant with a heart of gold and a touch of compassion. Dust of the failures and tears of insufferable heartache for you are beautiful, fierce and strong. Believe it. Being a tough person doesn’t mean you have to be callous, it just means that you have an inner strength that is battle-tested.:-)

Represent ideas. Represent possibilities. Know within yourself that even if no one else can see it, you can see it for yourself. YOU CAN DO THIS. Shake the ground that you walk on and be a moving force. Move that mountain. Leave a mark in this world. Leave a legacy. Let us uplift and encourage each other. Show this YEAR who’s Boss!!!

As we let our own light shine, we automatically liberate others. Shine bright ALWAYS! 🙂

BLESSING AND LOVE….

 

via SHINE BRIGHT 🙂

“Meet me at the door naked.”

 

I have the power to chooseI choose LOVE

I’m not the first person to be told I’m dying, or to get my affairs in order, or at most I have six months to live. But there’s something about my story that is resonating with readers. And one person tells another, and another, and buys a book for a friend or a family member. And that’s how it starts.

Birthing this book has been super emotional. How do I write a story that isn’t too personal or what should be kept private? What’s the difference between telling the truth, and telling my truthHow can I be true to myself and the reader without divulging potentially dangerous confidences?

So I waited to write this story. But I realized the time might never be right. I mean, if I waited to be sure that my healing “took” then I’d have to wait until…I never died? I know that’s just too weird. How do you measure a successful healing? When do you determine a safe time to say: I’ve been healed long enough to make the claim that I’m healed and therefore I can/will/should write my story now?

I started this blog, or rambling journal entry, because I think I know why so many can relate to my story. I’m so open, so raw. You can ask me anything and I will answer. I put it all out there, and suggest that you pick out the parts that you think will help you on your journey,  and throw away the rest.

Most of all I remind you that it’s all about LOVE. I have the power to choose. I choose LOVE.

It makes my heart sing to know that you can relate and that I have helped you or someone you love, in some small way.

What I really want to say is thank you.

 

 

A woman of privilege and passion…

 

 

Screen Shot 2017-02-19 at 1.44.59 PMI drive people crazy!! My exes, my kids, and my staff—when I held down a corporate job! I believe people are innately good. I’m the eternal optimist! I want the best for my friends, my family and—if you can believe this—my ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands. Yes, of course, a woman with such a flaw would have a series of exes and unfulfilling relationships.

When I healed my physically broken heart (I was diagnosed in 2008 and given 6 months to live), I started to write my story. And then a coach/mentor said to me: “But what if you die?” So I stopped writing the story and waited to relapse. And then my “eternal optimist” flaw kicked in and I published LOVE The Beat Goes On this year. F**k her! And yes, I swear—I can’t seem to fix that either.

I’ve been called “A woman of privilege and passion” (by a jealous reviewer.) She said it like it’s a bad thing. If believing in love and life and healing, and doing everything I can in my emotional power to work towards a great life, is “leading a life of privilege” so be it.

Yes, I have haters. And they attack me through my books, and probably whisper about me behind my back, and for sure wish that I would change. But as much as the world would like me to be a pessimist, to follow the path of the average depressed man/woman, I can’t seem to do it. It’s not me!

One of my best friends calls me Kumbaya Lady! I know she loves me but she wishes I would change. I too am waiting for the myth of “old age depression” to kick it, but something tells me that it isn’t going to happen!

 

 

“Powerful and unforgettable” J. Magnus, Readers’ Favorite 5 Stars

“This is a book every human alive should read and take away the lessons given. If I could give it ten stars, I would. It’s that good.” J. Sikes, 5 Stars

 

You say what???

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Years ago I lived in a ski-resort called Whistler, B. C. I worked in a high-powered sales environment with a lot of very successful people. When you are at the top of your field there will always be jealous and nasty people putting you down behind your back.

One month we had a sales contest and the winner received some awards and … a trinket a friend of mine brought back from Hawaii—I think it was a hula dancing doll dashboard ornament. I won the contest. But it wasn’t the dancing doll I wanted. It was a bumper sticker with a pink Barbie doll on one side and this expression in pink glitter across the sticker:

“You say Bitch like it’s a bad thing!”

Call me a bitch anytime. That means I’m on your radar and I will whip your butt any day of the week!!

And by they way, if you ignore those guys that call you a bitch, it will make them crazy and they will come chasing after you!

Remember being called a “bitch” is only an insult if you let it be one!!

I found you this fun Face Book page to follow:  Say I’m a Bitch like it’s a Bad Thing

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Buy my poetry and you will see how ‘bitchy’ edgy and punchy I can be! Enjoy!

I love you. I hate you.

 

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Elle MacPherson, Instagram  aka: The Body      ellemacphersonbody

I was asked a question on Quora tonight. “As a model, did your body image worsen or improve when you began modeling? Why?

At first I hesitated to answer. And then, I thought back to the conversation I have on a daily basis with myself. I come from a generation of women who grew up with role models who had perfect bodies. Supermodels were tall, slim, sexy stunning faces, perfect bone structure, and wore their clothes like they were custom designed for them. And of course they went on to marry the super wealthy, influential, high-profile perfect alpha males. The only challenge was, the average woman was created with “imperfections.”

I also came from the generation of women who were told we could have “it all”–the perfect marriage, career and family. Yet we constantly compared ourselves to the cover girls of our era. The pursuit of perfection became our goal in all aspects of our lives.

So this is what I answered. And it immediately set off a series of “upvotes” on Quora and surprisingly to me, from young women.

I attempted to model in my 20’s. I was attractive for sure, but never skinny or tall. I think the experience might have contributed to my relentless pursuit of the perfect body weight—which I can say with certainty, I’ve never achieved. In other words, I never thought I was pretty enough, slim enough, and always quietly obsessed about what I believed were my body faults.

It saddens me when I see young women who are gorgeous and still think they aren’t enough. All that leads to a constant obsession with perfection. Guys don’t have this problem. It’s quite acceptable to be imperfect if you’re a man.

I moved on from modeling after a short period of time. I did do shows and fashion showroom modeling but I knew it would never be a career for me. I went on to start retail stores, then became a fashion buyer and eventually manufactured clothing. The industry allowed me to live my passion-for-fashion quite successfully.

I never lost that stupid obsession with body image. Even now. I routinely announce: I love you. I hate you. And I’m way beyond the age when I should care. But I still do.

 

I’m not that kind of girl…

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“Powerful and unforgettable” JackMagnus, 5 Star Readers’ Favorite

This is a book every human alive should read and take away the lessons given. If I could give it ten stars, I would. It’s that good.”J. Sikes
excerpt from LOVE The Beat Goes On:

 

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Event One: My Cowboy

I’ll always remember his faded tan cowboy boots — scuffed, old, comfy — and the sky blue denim shirt stretched taut across powerful broad shoulders — my cowboy, as I refer to him. And I’ll definitely never forget that lustful smile on his lips when I answered his knock on my hotel room door.

I was naked… sort of.

I’m not usually that kind of girl… except the times when I am. And that was one of those times. I stood just inside the door to a room with a luxurious king-sized bed, surrounded by floor-to-ceiling glass, on the twenty-eighth floor of the Sheraton Wall Center, and was wrapped in a gauzy pink beach wrap. A girl has to meet a dare, right?

“So even though you’re cheating with that pink sheer wrap, I’m impressed.” Standing six feet and a few inches, Dr. Evil flashed that silly, young, boyish smile and kissed me softly on my lips.

I brushed stray strands of the softest, dusty-brown hair out of his sexy, grey eyes and laughed, proud of my sophisticated nakedness and ready for wherever the evening would take us.

It may be difficult for you to align your thoughts that a spiritual woman and a “meet me at the door naked” first-date type of girl can exist within one person. But that’s who I am. By now, you may have deduced that there is nothing traditional about me. I don’t believe in picket fences, and for some reason, have always been allergic to wedding bands. It’s not that I don’t want to be married. Not at all. I love the idea. I just can’t seem to figure out how to make the happily-ever-after part of it work.

But then, as I write these words, one of the secrets of my healing stares right back at me — How could you love another, Lynda, when you’ve never really felt you, yourself, was worthy of love?

Definitely a bad affirmation, but at that time in my life, I still had a lot of self-love issues that needed my attention.

It was December 21, 2007, just four days before Christmas, and in front of me stood my dream man. I had visualized him in my mind and had written down my wish list of attributes — age appropriate, successful nerd (he even looks like Bill Gates), living in Seattle (only because that’s the home of Starbucks & Amazon), handsome, fun, and single.

His seventeen-year-old daughter and her girlfriends were the ones who’d prepared his online profile — without a photo — on the dating site where I’d stumbled across him. Yes, he’d known about it, sanctioned it even, but they’d had to do the work. They’d tirelessly sifted through numerous responding women, and I was one of their top choices.

After many hours getting to know each other on Skype and Yahoo, as much as two people can know each other who’ve never actually met, there he and I finally were, meeting in person.

As I previously mentioned, our online-relationship began while I was still living in Mexico and I was supposed to stop in Seattle so we could finally meet in person. But I’d gotten lost and stood him up. However, I was forgiven and have been ridiculously infatuated ever since I looked into his mischievous, gentle, grey eyes.

There was also sadness within those eyes. Throughout our first evening, I learned about the woman he’d loved, who had died a few years before from Multiple Sclerosis. With all my man’s scientific brilliance, he cursed himself because he hadn’t been able to find the answers to save her.

As our night unfolded, and well into the next day, we shared our pain and our hopes, and continued to build a strong bond. I knew from the first time we chatted online we had something special. And now that we were physically together, I only wanted to hold him and take away his pain.

This would turn out to be a major event in my life. Our time together was magical.

But life has a way…

 

 

© LOVE The Beat Goes On