I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE

I’ve finally accepted that I’m addicted to LOVE. I write about it, I’m either in-or-out of it, and I live my life and make choices around it.

I’m still a work-in-progress. At this stage of life, you’d think I’d have it all figured out, but that’s never going to be the case. I’ve chosen to love in unconventional ways and without the restrictions of conditions.

I’ve recently made a decision to change the course of my life. After living in Mexico for many years, I’ve liquidated my life and hopped on a jet plane. I’m currently in Paris and in two days, I’ll be in Frankfurt, then New Delhi, and will continue going to the Middle East, Asia, Malaysia and Indonesia.

Here’s what runs through my mind:

all my bags are packed and i’m ready to go

i’m standin here outside your door, i hate to wake you up to say goodbye, but the dawn is breakin it’s early morn

the taxi’s waitin, he’s blowin his horn

already i’m so lonesome i could die

so kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you’ll wait for me, hold me like you’ll never let me go

cause i’m leavin on a jet plane, don’t know if i’ll be back again

“Leaving On A Jet Plane” Lyrics

Yes, with self-knowledge comes self-acceptance. The choices I’ve made give me tremendous highs, and not-so-lovely lows. But this is who I am. And my life has been significantly improved because I learned to love unconditionally.

 

To learn more about Lynda Filler read LOVE The Beat Goes On A Memoir

We’re the generation that don’t want relationships

I received this in my email tonight from Jay Shetty. It truly made me think. I responded to his thought with those of my own. I may be a different generation, but unfortunately I can relate to this message in ways that make me … well, let’s simply say I can relate. Can you?

On Feb 5, 2019, at 3:22 PM, Jay Shetty <email@jayshetty.me> wrote:

Hi Lynda 

We want a Facebook official relationship everyone can like and
comment on.

We want that Instagram #relationshipgoals post.We want a Taco Tuesday partner, someone to text us good morning on Wednesday.

We want a +1 for all the weddings we keep getting invited to.“How did
they do it? How did they find their happily ever after?” 

But we are the generation who doesn’t want a relationship.

We swipe right in hopes of finding the right person.

We want the facade of a relationship, but we don’t want the work of one.

We hang out, happy hour, go to coffee, and grab a beer – anything to
avoid an actual date.
We don’t want relationships – we want “friends with benefits”.

We want all the rewards and none of the risk.All of the payout and none of the cost.

We want to connect – enough, but not too much.

We want to commit – a little, but not a lot.

Anything that will give us the illusion of a relationship, without being in
an actual relationship.

We want a placeholder, not a person.

We want a warm body, not a partner.

We sit around with friends discussing the rules, but no one even knows
the game we’re trying to play.…

Because the problem with our generation not wanting relationships is
that, at the end of the day, we actually do.

Do you think we’re the generation who doesn’t want relationships?
What do you think we’re really looking for? 

All the best, 
Jay Shetty

Why do you enjoy writing romance novels?

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I was asked this question on Quora today. It made me think about who I am as an author, and what exactly I write!

I LOVE this question. I never thought of myself as a romance author. But, when I wrote my first published novel, TARGET in the Sun  I received an award for Best in Contemporary Fiction. I had to look up what that meant!

I write from the heart. And there is romance in all things in life. It’s the natural progression of our natures. TARGET was about a relationship between an older woman and a younger man. But it was more about his past, his cartel family, his life growing up on the streets of Mexico, and how he did what he needed to do to survive. I would say that falling in love with an older woman may have been secondary to the story, but that wouldn’t be correct neither. What reviewers say about my work is that I write romance from a different angle.
I’ve since gone on to write Action/Adventure like XPOSED (with romance in it) and Suspense (yes, relationships as well) and am about to embark on the first true romance novel that I’m co-authoring.

The challenge I have with romance is that I’m not sure I believe, wait I KNOW I don’t believe in Happily Ever After or HEA; but, I’m great at HFN, Happy For Now.
Having said all the above, I also live in total denial—according to my friend Lisa. She says I do believe in HEA. I just haven’t found it yet for myself.
So why do I write about love? For the same reason that 28–32% of the male market reads romance! Deep down we all want to be loved. And some of us only find it in books.

 

Delete/Retrieve

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I woke up sad today

yes, I deleted all the unwanted thoughts from my memory

dropped them in the garbage

only to be retrieved, re-read, re-posted under sadness and hurt

never         

really 

gone

I can learn to live with this (unlikely)

sigh…

DADT-Don’t Ask Don’t Tell

a military acronym for an international game of “impossible scenarios”

filed under “promises I made to myself—but broke

following my heart, instead of my head/mind/games

chasing a dream, crazy love 

insanity for an insane thought

 

Dreamers have nothing on me

I believe in love

 

© Delete/Retrieve Lynda Filler 2018

How did your marriage end?

 

Which one?

I’m the eternal optimist. I tried 3 times to get it right. All I got right was that happiness is more important than success, prestige, or money.

The first time I married because my very first boyfriend waited for me while I ran off to become a missionary nun—stop laughing, read my memoir LOVE The Beat Goes On . Yes, I felt guilty. When I returned a year later, I married him—I do remember a fight in the parking lot where I threw my engagement ring across the pavement. That was probably a big clue that I chose to ignore.

Six months later, we were having one of our frequent arguments. He tried to smother me with a pillow. I was 20 years old. I left with my suitcase the next day. Divorced at 21.

My second brilliant choice was a man 15 years older than me, suave, handsome, a traveler, sophisticated…and a gambler, and a control freak. Yes. I didn’t throw that diamond ring anywhere—he stole it and pawned it presumably because he needed the money to gamble. I left him several times, but he kept finding me. He got me fired from a job, evicted from an apartment, actually broke into my apartment telling the landlord I was a drug addict and not answering my phone! I’ve never even smoked a joint although my friends tell me I don’t know what I’m missing.

I left him in the middle of the night, with a suitcase, and my Old English Sheepdog. I definitely loved the dog more than the man. He’d threatened to kill the dog if I left him.I had to leave the city and the province to hide from him. My mother called me one day a few years later and said I better divorce the guy. He’d just been arrested for bank fraud and probably forged my name somewhere along the way.

The third one lasted a long time. He’s the father of my children and we are still friends. But one night at the end of a very unhappy relationship where we kept trying to make it work, I fell in love. I packed a suitcase and got on an airplane and moved to a new country. I’d like to say I lived happily ever after. But that’s not the way life is. That journey called life/living/ is filled with ups and downs. Some of us get lucky and find Mr. Right and others only ever find Mr. Right Now.

And then, when you think that part of your life might be passing you by, someone comes into your life, a totally inappropriate relationship, not from a different city, or a different province, or a different country but a totally different continent and reminds you that life is short. We have to take our happiness where we can find it.

The moral of my story is I still believe in LOVE.

I’m in love…Coelho

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A review or a reviewer’s musings? You decide…

Sometimes a story/book/novel seizes your heart and refuses to let go. Such is my love affair with this book, Manuscript Found in Accra.

Let me share a few of the highlights from the book. I imagine when I allow myself to finish, I will have underlined at least one hundred sections. I’m savoring every page.

“As far as Coelho is concerned, this “Manuscript Found in Accra” is not in 1099 or 4859, much less at the end of 492. The Copt believes only in the present moment and what he calls Moira–the unknown god, the Divine Energy, responsible for a single law, which if ever broken, will bring about the end of the world.”

“I am not here to tell you that defeat is part of life; we all know that. Only the defeated know Love. Because it is in the realm of Love that we fight our first battles–and generally lose.”

“Wait patiently for the right moment to act. Do not let the next opportunity slip by you. Take pride in your scars. Scars are medals branded on flesh, and your enemies will be frightened by them because they are proof of your long experience of battle. Often this will lead them to seek dialogue and avoid conflict. Scars speak more loudly than the sword that caused them.”

“In the silence of the night, they fight their imaginary battles: their unrealized dreams, the injustices to which they turned a blind eye, the moments of cowardice they managed to conceal from other people–but not from themselves–the love that crossed their path with a sparkle in its eyes, the love God had intended for them, but which they lacked the courage to embrace. And they promise themselves: “Tomorrow will be different.” But tomorrow comes and the paralyzing question surfaces in their mind: “What if it doesn’t work out?” And so they do nothing. Woe to those who were never beaten! They will never be winners in life.”

“Solitude is not the absence of Love, but it’s complement. Solitude is not the absence of company, but the moment when our soul is free to speak to us and help us decide what to do with our life.”

“If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself. And if you do not know yourself, you will begin to fear the void.”

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“For those who fear the solitude, it’s important to remember that in life’s most significant moments we are always alone. Take the child emerging from a woman’s womb: it doesn’t matter how many people are present; the final decision to live rests with the child. Take the artist and his work: in order for his work to be really good, he needs to be still and hear only the language of the angels. Take all of us, when we find ourselves face-to-face with the Unwanted Visitor, Death; we will all be alone at that most important and most feared moment of our existence. Just as Love is the divine condition, so solitude is the human condition. And for those who understand the miracle of life, those two states peacefully coexist.”

 

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THE MANUSCRIPT FOUND IN ACCRA

 

 

 

 

 

Manuscript Found in Accra is a novel by Brazilian author Paulo Coelho. The action is placed in 1099 in Jerusalem while the city awaits the invasion of the crusaders. Inside the city’s walls, men and women gathered to hear the wise words of a mysterious Greek man– known as the Copt. The people begin with questions about their fears, true enemies, defeat, and struggle; they contemplate the will to change, and the virtues of loyalty and solitude; and ultimately turn to questions of beauty, sex, and elegance, love.