Pass GO and don’t stop until your heart is broken.

3

I warned you if you follow my writing or my blog, I’m open and I get personal. So if that’s not your thing, best not to continue reading.

We live in a time when LOVE is all the rage; but who really knows what it means anymore? Is it sexual attraction because that’s what the media is all about? Is it soul-mates? There’s a word we never hear anymore. I think it’s all surface and no depth. But then, what do I know. All I can say is for some reason I must make some really bad choices because ‘real love’ eludes me…or does it?

I found the meaning of “unconditional love” several years ago.” I’d fallen in love with Navy SEAL and if you know anything about that life then you also know there’s very little that I can reveal. But at a crucial point in our relationship we each had a choice to make. His was following a higher calling, a belief that giving back was his purpose. He retired, then took off to Africa to work with orphans. I thought he’d take a plane to Mexico and be with me. So for two weeks I sulked and refused communications. And then I woke up one morning and I understood that this is unconditional love. If I truly loved him for everything he stands for, how could I stop loving him because MY heart hurt? So I gave myself a good talking to and began a four-month communication that will remain as an incredible time in my life. I rejoiced in everything he was accomplishing. He shared his life in photos and his heart with everything he was able to give me at the time. And then he died. I immortalized him in my writing. I know it would make him smile.

What is unconditional love? Maybe it means different things to different people. Sometimes we have to accept conditions that we hate, we despise, and we cannot change.  But does that mean we don’t love? Does that mean we hold back on our love? Does that mean we don’t want the best for those we love, even our romantic partners?

The second time I made a decision to love someone unconditionally has covered a span of eleven years. When your lover disappears on a “business trip” and you don’t see him for four months, it’s damn difficult as one of my friends would say. But it’s even worse when he goes on to spend the next part of his life in-and-out of hospitals trying to stay alive. And yeah, I have a thing for people who work in things they can never talk about. And if any bad guys are reading this, I know nothing of value. And being the eternal optimist, I waited a long long long time before I moved on with relationships. But the last  18 months he’s been on life support. He’s the bravest man I know. I will love him until the day I die. Every day I send a message and hope that he’s well enough to read it. I do it for him, and I do it for me. And yes, about every couple of weeks I get a message back. And no, I wouldn’t let me devote my life to be with him while he’s dying. He told me I had to move on with my life. Even though he knows I will never stop loving him because my love is unconditional.

And when I did move on and open up to love again, DAMN. I’m writing and shaking my head. What is it with me and impossible situations? This one is the most stupid, ridiculous, impossible, and heart-breaking one yet. But I’m dealing with it. Why does it always have to be f**king ‘unconditional?’

I have a mantra for the last ten years of my life. Every morning at 9 a.m. my communication devices remind me: I LOVE myself, and I am enough. And forgiving yourself for falling in love with the impossible, no future, no hope, makes no intellectual sense-man has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever allowed myself to do. Pass GO and don’t stop until your heart is broken. So I will go into my cocoon and write it all out.

I always follow my heart, and that bitch makes me pay for it, over and over again.

Repeat after me: I love myself. I am enough.

Today I’ve written it a hundred times.

And I will continue until I believe it.

This too shall pass.

Wow! Thank you​!

 

#1 Best Seller

 

I love seeing the Code Raven series at #1 XPOSED in Amazon FREE International Mystery and Crime. And it’s all thanks to you!

XPOSED 

After seizing hundreds of million dollars from an illegal arms-for-drugs deal between a rogue CIA faction, and a South American cartel, Luci retires from clandestine operations and hides out in Central America with her four-year-old daughter. Until she receives the message: Get out now!

XPOSED is a wild action-adventure novella that uncovers a dark and dangerous world of high-level intrigue, passion, power, and greed.

A suspense thriller of high-level intrigue, passion, power, and greed.

If you haven’t yet downloaded your free copy, do it now before the promo is over. Here’s what reviewers are saying:

on August 9, 2018
XPOSED: Code Raven 1 by Lynda Filler

5 Stars

I am absolutely loving these books, I’m worn out because I feel like I’m working as hard as they are to save the US. Luke Raven is got to be one of my favorite lead characters ever, and actually, I’m loving all of them. I’m feeling a little bad for Zach and hope that something happens in the next book to make him smile a bit more.

This was fast paced and there were new characters brought in to the mix but the way they are brought in is just awesome. I just can’t believe how invested I am in this story and these people after 2 very short books. So much happens and in looking back I am totally impressed with how this author does this and makes me feel like I read a full novel when both so far have been under 100 pages.

I can not wait to dive into the next…

Awesome!!!

on August 7, 2018
What a mind Ms. Filler has as the Raven Group takes on a new ‘associate’ in the form of Samaar, code name Luci. Badass lady all around! In this first adventure, the VERY high tech Raven team have just rescued Luci and her 4 YO daughter, Alice, from sure death by a South American Cartel. She, along with several others of the team, are thrust into Paris, to Shanghai and a quick stop in Sedona, AZ. Top secret vehicles on land, sea and in the air. WHOO HOO! What a ride!
on July 31, 2018
XPOSED: Code Raven 1 by Lynda Filler is the first book in the series and boy does it pack a
punch. It is a quick and easy read that has you intrigued till the end with all the action and alpha men and women who protect the world from the evil, the greed, the power, the scum. Each and every character has their own reasons for what they do but they all have one thing in common and that is rid the world from those who take and kill without a second thought. Lynda has written a story that you will not be able to let go of. The mystery and suspense have you so enthralled that you will block out everything around you and focused on the story. Can’t wait to see what happens in Abducted.
ENJOY!
xposed